▶ Your Answer :
The lecturer and the reading presents quite
different opinions on the same topic: social media. The reading argues
that social media has some defects, while the lecturer argues there are
ways to overcome the defects of the social media.
To begin with, the lecturer admits the reading’s
claim that people might upload offensive contents media on the internet and might regret
someday. [사람들이 미디어에 offensive한 내용을 올린다-자녀들을 교육하면 된다]로 연결되는 것은 어색한 것 같아요. 추측하자면 reading이 우려하는 점이 '아이들이 겪을 위험성'과 같은 내용이어야 인터넷 사용 교육이나 부모의 노력 등으로 개선 가능하다는 반박이 자연스러울 것 같아요. 실제 지문을 다시 한 번 체크해주세요. Thus, the lecturer argues that education program is needed to teach their children how to interact on the internet. Also, the lecturer argues that
parents can block the dangerous danger contents on the internet to protect their children
from the internet.
Moreover, the lecturer argues that it is a
natural reaction to be happy or to be zealous to success of others. And he
argues that we have to overcome these feelings and these feelings reactions can rather drive us
to live do more diligently. On the other hand, the reading says that we can see
easily to see someone’s success as the internet is easy to access. Moreover, the
reading only emphasizes the negative reaction -being zealous to someone’s
success. 인터넷에서 다른 사람의 성공을 보기 쉽다는 내용은 reading의 핵심 주장이라 보기 어려워요. 다른 사람들의 행복한 삶을 보면서 질투심을 느껴서 심리적으로 안 좋은 영향을 받는다는 식의 내용이어야 lecture의 반박이 자연스럽게 이어질 것 같은데, 이 부분도 지문 확인해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. Finally, the lecturer admits the reading’s claim
that it is sad that only few people are interested in someone’s contents as although they produced their contents hard. However, the lecturer says that it does not
matter at all because they are not needed to be seen by the whole world and we can
just enjoy them with only a few friends. 열심히 만들어도 적은 사람만 보는 것이 social media의 부정적인 면이라고 보기는 어려울 것 같은데, reading이 제시한 핵심내용이 무엇인지 확인이 필요할 것 같습니다.
Comment : 각 본론에서 두 지문이 대립하는 point가 명확하게 파악되지 않는 것 같아서 좀 아쉬워요. 두 주장이 반박구도를 잘 보여주기 위해서는 공통된 요소를 가운데 두고 대립해야 하는데, 그 부분이 제대로 요약되지 않은 것 같습니다. 지문 내용과 모범답안을 확인해보시고 reading이 어떤 주장을 하고 있는지 한번씩 더 체크해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 핵심 내용만 요약할 수 있도록 꼭 필요하지 않은 내용들은 정리하는 부분도 신경써서 연습해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Integrated Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 A response at this level contains some important information from the lecture and conveys some relevant connection to the reading, but it is marked by one or more of the following : - The response significantly misrepresents or completely omits the overall connection between the lecture and the reading. - The response may omit one or two major key points made in the lecture. - Some key points made in the lecture or the reading, or connections between the two, may be incomplete, inaccurate, or imprecise. - Errors of usage and/or grammar may be more frequent or may result in noticeably vague expressions or obscured meanings in conveying ideas and connections.
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