▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, group work is important in
people's lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people say
that people who do not accept the critique from others cannot be successful at
working in a group while others do not. If I could choose one side, I would say
that I agree with this statement by following reasons.
To start with, people who do not listen to
other's critics tend to have low sense of collaboration which negatively
affects one's group activity. Since those kind of people do not don't accept feedback
from others, they will not won't try to properly discuss different opinions of group members'. Therefore in the group work, where cooperation is the most
important factor, people who are indifferent to other's feedback will not be
able to successfully participate. For example, I
had a classmate named Cassie when I was in high school. She was a kind of person who always ignored
teacher's criticism criticize on her school work. One day, I got to do a group project
in art class with her. While discussing the concept of what our team is going to draw,
she just argued her opinion ignoring all the other teammates. She even did not
participate when the project was going on a different way from what she wanted.
After that project, most of other classmates avoided doing group work with her
since she would never try to cooperate. This example implies that people who
are not favorable in getting critique from other people is less likely to
cooperate and do good job in group activities.
All things considered, I firmly believe
that people who ignore feedback from others cannot become a successful member
of a group. All in all, the importance of cooperation in group activity should
not be underestimated in people's lives.
Fair (17-23) 첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not, won't-->will not -opinion of group members 는 of 전치사의 사용으로 이미 소유격입니다. 따라서 ' 붙이지 않아도 됩니다. -ignored 동사 뒤에 명사 teacher's criticism (criticize 는 동사)
내용 괜찮습니다. 다만, 토플은 서론+본문1+본문2+결론의 형태인것이 더 많은 이유를 제시하므로 설득력이 높습니다. 본문 2개 쓰는 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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