▶ Your Answer : An intriguing topic in discussion at hand is whether moving to a new city or country is a good idea or not. It may seem true that aforementioned statement is not a good idea because people cans lose their old friend. However, I i do not agree with the statement for following two reasons: it will provide more opportunity to see the big world and make new friends.
First, moving to a new city or country will help people realize that they are living in a big world. For some people, moving to a new city or country is not a common event, so people who have chance to move to another city or country should move. They will see different education system, culture life, and food. This kind of new environment will make them to have new experiences and eventually become an invaluable asset for them. Let's say there are two groups of people. One group is consists of people only grown up in one city and the other group is consists of people who have moved to a different city and grown up in diverse environment. Which group of people would have more creative ideas and are more open minded? Needless to say, since those people in second group have more diver experience in their life, and they will have more brilliant ideas and will be more open minded.
Moreover, moving to a new city or country will help people make new friends. It is true that those people will lose their old friends, but they will make new friends. Meeting new friends will help them to relieve the sadness of losing their friends. Plus, nowadays people can keep in touch with their old friend through smartphone, even if they are living in a different city or a country. For example, my family moved from Tokyo to Seoul because of my father's job. I was sad to leave my old friends. However, when I i moved to Seoul, smartphones and social networking services had been developed. Although I i cannot meet my friends in person, i do not feel apart from my friends because of the development of smartphones and social networking services. Whenever i want to talk with my old friends, i log on to my SNS account. Also, Ffriends i met in new city, Seoul, became my very close friends and i think it was the best opportunity for me to move to new city.
To sum up, I firmly believe that moving to a new city or country is a good idea. This will allow people to make new friends and realize the big world.
Fair (17-20) 서론 -cans-->can -대소문자 오류 i-->I
첫번째 본문 -a, b, and c 로 써주세요. -two이므로 복수-->group-->groups -is consist of-->consists of -철자 오류 on city-->one city -문장 두개 ,로 이을 수 없습니다. , and 로 이어주세요.
두번째 본문 -철자 오류 relive-->relieve -대소문자 오류 i-->I 너무 많습니다. 이 부분은 기본적인 문법 오류 입니다. -대소문자 오류 Friends-->friends
내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 오류 많으십니다. 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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