▶ Your Answer : Some people think that it is not significant to make a person who is effective or will hire them in the future know their strengths and accomplishments. However, in my opinion, it is better to let them know for two reasons. First of all, I can get many opportunities to be employed if I appeal with my advantages and achievements. In addition, the person who knows me can give advice for me. To begin with, the possibility of being hired will increase when I make my abilities known. This is because the person who knows about me can offer several jobs which are suitable to me. Furthermore, letting them know my skills is a good opportunity to show how well I can work at the job in advance. For example, according to the survey conducted by UCLA’s research department, about 80 percent of participants who were executives of companies reported that they decided to employ the applicants who wrote their good points and fulfillments on their applications. The reason for the engagement was that they thought that their applicants’ abilities would be helpful for their companies. On top of that, I can get advice from the person who is influential. This is because the effective person can give me many tips after understanding my strengths and fulfillment. He can propose proper guidances to me, such as how can I can make my strengths much better and what should I should do to achieve more in the future. For instance, when I was in high school, I had a tough time because I did not decide on my career. To solve this problem, I consulted with Mr. Kim, who was my homeroom teacher. He knew well about me and introduced a number of jobs which would will be fitting to me. After the consultant, I was able to find a job which was is perfectly suitable to my strengths. If I had not had a talk with Mr. Kim, I would not have found my career easily. 문제에서 ~or will employ you라고 언급한 것을 고려하면 그냥 나에게 영향을 미치는 여러 사람들을 생각하고 설명하기보다는 커리어와 관련된 사람과의 사례를 보여주는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 현재 맥락에서는 직장상사나 내가 관심있는 분야에 있는 사람과의 사례를 만들어도 좋을 것 같습니다. To sum up, I can get many opportunities to be hired and beneficial advice which will be helpful for my future. In this regard, I believe that letting the person who is effective or will engage me in the future know about my abilities.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 일관성 있는 답을 잘 만들어주셨어요. 주제가 그냥 타인에게 내 장점을 알리는 것이 아니라 '나에게 영향력 있거나/미래의 상사에게' 장점을 알리는 것이므로 내 미래와 커리어 측면에 초점을 두고 설명과 사례를 이끌어주면 좋을 것 같습니다. 여러 가지 숙어 표현과 다양한 단어 활용을 더 많이 보여주는 부분도 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |