▶ Your Answer : Some
people think that job has more effect on our happiness. However, in my opinion,
my social life has more impact on my happiness. This is because it enables me
to relieve stress and strengthen relationship with my friends. (주제 문장을 그대로 작성하거나 twist없이 그대로 사용하는 경우 고득점을 받기 어렵습니다. Paraphrase & Interesting hook required)
To
begin with, since social life allows me to relieve stress, I would become feel happier. To be specific, having the outlet for stress has a meaning in itself
since it helps me regain energy and find the strength to go on. I nowadays have
pressure not only physically but also mentally, and social life helps me get back on
track; For example, every morning, I have
patiently to sit through traffic to go to my work. Once I am at work, I have to
endure countless documents and continue to read more even at home. Such exhausting
routine repeats itself and eventually wears down me. As a way to manage the
ensuing stress, I have various social activity programs that I participate (각 activity를 구체적으로 적진 않더라도 1~2개 정도 나열해주세요). Even if it is only
for a short time, this frees my minds from the intense mental pressure from
work.
On
top of that, social activities permit me to strengthen relationship with my
friends. Suppose that I only work throughout a year. Would it be possible for me
to feel happiness and pleasure? The answer will be “no”. (TOEFL에세이에서는 구어체 형태 (Let~, 질문, 명령형) 문장을 사용하지 않습니다) The only way to have
happy emotion would be to associate with my friends. (위 작성된 이유와 어떻게 관련이 되어있는 문장인지 불분명합니다) For example, a renowned
social scientist in South Korea published an article in ”The Korean Herald”
last Tuesday which claims that 73 percent of 300 Korean people believe that exciting
social activities with friends provide meaning opportunities for people who want to strengthen their relationship with others who are close to them. Essentially, the participation of social activity encourages people
to openly interact and freely exchange their views and ideas with friends and
one another. Such intercommunication builds a platform not only to express
their own dispositions but also to absorb perspectives of other. I thought of
this report because the results of the survey resonated with my thoughts. - Template 활용 시 주제에 맞게 내용을 일부 변형할 수 있어야 합니다. 또한 주제에 대한 입장과 이유를 명시한 뒤 이유에 대한 부연설명이 충분해야 예시와 매끄럽게 내용이 이어집니다.
To sum up, I believe that social activity has more effects on my
happiness for the following reasons: relieving my stress and strengthening
relationship with my friends. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be
underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
|
FAIR
|
LIMITED
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- Template 사용 시 Language use와 Grammar는 Fair 처리됩니다. (본인 문장력 X) |