▶ Your Answer : Some people think that the outcome of student's performance determining a teacher's earnings is absurd. However, in my opinion, the teacher whose students' performance is better needs to be paid more than other teachers considering the fact that students' performance indicates the ability of teachers and the fact that money can be the greatest motivation for teachers to work harder.
To begin with, in order to figure out the best teacher in the school, there is no better way than comparing their students' ability. To be specific, if students in A class get better grades than B class, we cannot deny the fact that A class' teacher have more educational effect on his students. It means that he is more talented teacher and should get more money. For instance, there was a poll conducted by a broadcasting company, with 200 high school teachers as respondents in South Korea. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view between the teacher's consistent effort and performance of students; An overwhelming 93% responded that the longer the teacher works, the more the students will do well. Some of the participants in the survey also commented that the performance of the student can prove how hard they worked and wanted to be compensated financially based on their effort instead of getting equal amount of money. they disliked the system. The reason is that they want to be treated by their ability and the ability should be their students' performance.
On top of that, if teachers get paid depending on their students' grade, they try to do their best for raising students' performance. In other words, In this materialistic society, money is sometimes regarded as one's power. Therefore, money can be a great motivation for teaching. For example, a study conducted by the psychology majors in Harvard University can be a good example for this. The monitored group was formed of people who were teachers in middle school. They were asked to get money if their students showed outstanding change of their grades. What researcher found was intriguing. Most students' grade highly increased. This was because motivated teachers who participated in the group taught students as much as they could to get more financial support. The example proves that money can be a great motivation to workers like teachers.
To sum up, taking objective indicator of teachers' ability and motivation for money into consideration, it is true that money has significant influence. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is better for teacher's earning to be based on students' ability.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 논리를 펼쳐나가는 과정에서 example들이 구체적이라고 보기 어려운 경우가 있어 교정했습니다.
- 주장에 대한 이유를 펼칠 때는 지나치게 general한 이유를 기피하고 구체적으로 왜 선생님들이 어떠한 측면에서 학생들의 성과에 기반한 금전적 보상을 받아야 하는지를 고민한 뒤 작성해주세요. |