▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, science plays a significant role in people's daily
lives in many of places where they work or play. (Some people think that the improvement of people's living quality has
already taken place, but new technology will continue to improve, while others do not. 이 부분 의미가 정확하지 않네요.) Both
sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to
choose one, I would say that science is very important to me. There are several
reasons as follows.
First, when science
and technology continue to improve every year, life becomes
very convenient for everyone. Living quality has enhanced,
we have to improve technology because the world is always changing. If these
functions are used well, it is likely to bring positive changes to life. (see positive
result in life.) Today's life is very simple and convenient thanks to high technologies. (by improve
technology.) Many people know that science
is very important. (for people. example, transportation, education, and
environment.) However, science has to improve every year. When new technology is
developed, (found,) it will improve many
people’s lives. (people will get a better life than today.) For example,
in the past, people lived without cell phones.
Instead of cell phones, people wrote letters. It is very uncomfortable. People can stay connected using smart phones. (and
connected with friend through phone.) New smart
phones come out every year. (Cell phone develop again in every year. If
technology not develop, one would fall behind. )
Second, if science and
technology continue to improve every year, it will help the economy to grow. (increase economy.) Some people
say that science is life, life is science. New technology will make a lot of
money. It is likely to bring a better result. (Harvard University found a huge
different between two nations.) According to a
study by the Harvard University, a country that invests money on science and
technology has a higher GDP than that of a country that spends a lot of money
on military. (The one nation consisted of those who had invest to the
science and technology while the other group made up of those who had invest to
the military. The researchers found the the former was more likely to bring a
money. on the other hand, second group was fall behind in economy.) This
implies that science and technology are very
important in life.
To sum up, I strongly believe that science has to continue to improve for the reasons I have mentioned
above.
Writing Score
(0-30): 14-15
Score (0-5):
2.00-2.25
Grammar &
Feedback: 내용이 주제에서 벗어난 듯 합니다. 주장 하시는 바도 정확하게 전달되지 않고 있습니다. 문법적인 오류도
너무 많습니다. 대문자 소문자 쓰임도 혼돈 하고 계십니다. 기초적인
문법 공부부터 필요합니다. 모범 답안을 많이 읽어보시면 글쓰기에 도움이 될 거라 생각합니다. 수고하셨어요.
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