▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that parent should spend more time to doing schoolwork with their children than to playing sports or games with them. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First, playing games or sports with their children enables parents to have time to communicate with them. Second, playing sports regularly is helpful for health of both parents and their children.
To begin with, parents' playing sports or games with their thier children regularly helps them to make time to be friendly to each other. These days, parents spend most of their time working everyday, while their children are busy studying everyday. Therefore, they actually have no time to communicate with each other. However, by having regular time to play games or sports with their children, parents can have regular opportunity to be closer with their children. Let me introduce my personal story as an example. In my childhood, my family actually had a regular time to play basketball every week. By having this regular time to play basketball together, we could have more chances to communicate with each other, and be closer to each other.
Second, if parents spend a lot of time playing games or sports with their children, it helps them and their children to improve their health. To be specific, as technology increases, people started to use cars instead of walk to move to somewhere. As a result, health problems such as diabetes became serious problems in these days. However, having a regular opportunity to play sports with parents or children can help maintain their health. According to a survey done by HEAF, health of people who had a regular time to play sports with their family were 80% better than people who did not. Also, those who did not spend regular time to play sports with their family were more likely to get cancer than those who did so. This supports the fact that playing games or sports with their parents or children helps to maintain their health.
In conclusion, parents' spending more time playing games or sports with their children enables them to have more opportunities to communicate with their children, and maintain health of them and their children. In this regard, I strongly believe that parents should devote a lot of time playing games and sports with their children.
Good (24–30) 서론 -~와 함께 라는 뜻의 전치사 필요; with
첫번째 본문 -철자 오류 -~에게 라는 뜻의 전치사 필요; to -communicate with 내용 두 본문 다 괜찮습니다. 전치사 적절한게 넣는 연습 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |