▶ Your Answer :
There
are some disagreements over whether or not people should get a university
education to be successful in the upcoming future. Some people believe that
getting a university education would guarantee the accomplishment. My view,
however, is that getting a university education should not be necessary for
people to succeed. This is because people have different purpose. Moreover,
there are the financial difficulties.
To
begin with, people have distinguished purpose and standard associated with the success.
People who want to get a job such as an engineer or a taxi driver would be unnecessary
to take a university course. This is because the job does not require the
education of university when they apply. Rather, students who want to study
deeply and contribute the development of scholar are suggested to enter a
university or a college, which is because a university can provide them a wide
range of knowledge which can act as great help. For example, Edison who
invented light bulb got only an elemental education. He thought that the
education of university was not necessary to concentrate on creating his
invention when he was child. Without getting a university education, it was
possible for him to be putting a significant contribution
to the advanced science. With the contribution, Hhe has been honored from
a lot of people in the world.
In
addition, entering a university might be the preventive factor to be
successful. People should spend a lot of money to go to a university. If a
university is the most significant factor, the poor will loan money from a bank
for their success. The money would make it difficult
for them to pay back in the coming future by the expanded interest. Also,
it is not guaranteed that people are successful even though they go to a
university with financial issues. According to the study conducted by a team at
Korea University, the research revealed that there were a great number of
students with a myriad of debt. Most of the students believed that entering a
university would ensure their future and fruition. However, they needed a lot
of money to go to a university, upon which they had to loan the money from a
bank. After they graduated, it was they was difficult for them to seek a job because of the
deleterious economic situation. As a result, entering a university was not the most
critical factor to succeed.
To
summarize, a university would be not necessary to people who have other
purpose, and moreover entering a university has an adversarial effect to
students in the future. Considering the two above reasons, it is evident that
getting a university is not important factor to people who want to be
successful.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -possible for him to ~ 구문 -대소문자 오류
두번째 본문 -it was difficult for them to~ be 형용사 for 목적어 to 구문입니다. -economic situation 으로 명사형으로 바꾸는 것이 더 적절합니다.
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 실수들 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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