▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may exist
over the argument which is the better major; the major that can allow people to
graduate earlier and get a job early or the major that needs time but makes
people so educated that people can get a better job opportunity. As far as I am
concerned, I would recommend my friend to just choose the major that fertilize
your possibility. The two ideas stated below can be valid evidence to support
my view.
First of all, the starting line is so critical
that it is hardly possible to overcome. People should consider the promising future. Some
people just think that if they are recruited, it is easy to be promoted and can
overcome the gap about job opportunity. However, it is so difficult to be
promoted that some people say being promoted is more difficult than getting a
job. My sister’s personal experiences can be used to prove this point. My
sister is majoring in the tourism. She could easily get a job and work at the
tour company as a secretary. For 5 years, however, she was not wasn’t promoted and
other person who majored in business was promoted. At that time she said to me
that she regretted not choosing the major which is more beneficial for being
promoted.
On the top of that, graduating early does not doesn’t guarantee
people for getting a job. It is It’s true that the people who end the education
course start seeking job earlier but most of them easily fail to get a job.
This is because the company requires not a person who are young but a person who
surpasses others in specialty. A research conducted by a renowned professor named
Paul Kim from Yeonsei University indicated that the factor that companies
considers the most is how well they know about their major and understand their
jobs. This means that people have to be qualified for the job through more
educated courses.
To sum up, I believe my explanations above
sufficiently prove be the advantages of choosing the major that can make my friend
more qualified.
Good (24) 서론 -~에게 라는 뜻의 to 전치사 필요합니다.
첫번째 본문 -hardly overcome 어색한 표현입니다. hardly possible to로 바꾸어주세요. -축약형 지양해주세요. wasn't-->was not -~에게 라는 뜻의 to 전치사 필요합니다.
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. doesn't-->doesnot -It's-->It is -수 일치 오류. require-->requires -수 일치 오류. surpass-->surpasses 결론 -철자 오류. probe-->prove
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 오류 많습니다. 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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