Some people believe that books is more satisfying hobby than w
hatching movies. However,
Iin my opinion, I prefer to w
hatch
movies movei in my pastime. Tha
t s is because that mov
ies eis are more exciting and need less time and effort than reading
a books.
^
To begin with, while people are whatching movie, they can more feel exciting. The reason is that there are diverse visual and sound effect in movie. It helps for people to have effective indirect experience. Thus, people can develop more concentration constration in movie than reading a books. To illustrate my opinion, I will talk about my experience. I read the Harry Potter harry porter due to my assignment. I felt exitement at first, but thick books and many words made ke me feel bored. Consequently I gave up reading books and decided to watch movie. When I watched ing movie, I felt I am really in hHogwarts. I could comprehend all story of Harry Potter harry porter just in 2 hours.
^
On top of that, movie requires less time and effort than reading a books. What I mean is that many people are busy, so they do not have many time to read a books. Thus, movies that contain many stories y in short time is more effectively for people. For instance, there is a poll conducted by psychology majors with 500 employers as respondent. The purpose of this survey is to understand consensus view about movie. The majority of respondents ranked movie over bookks. An overwhelming 75% had reponded that they want to watch movie when they have a break time, sinsce movie is more convenient and they need to shorter time than reading a books. This survey proves that people have a positive view of watching movie as their hobby.
^
To sum up, watching movie is more exciting and require less time and effort. iIn this regard, I firmly suppose that watching movie is better hobby than reading a books.
Fair (17-23)
서론
-철자 오류
that, movies
첫번째 본문
-be+동사-ing
-철자 오류. concentration, Harry Potter,
-문맥상 과거이므로 make-->made, decide-->decided, watching-->watched
-대소문자 오류
두번째 본문
-수 일치. movie 단수이므로 require-->requires
-books 복수이므로 앞에 단수 관사 a 붙이지 않습니다.
-movie-->movies
-story-->stories
-철자 오류 books, since
결론
-대소문자 오류 in-->In
철자 오류 많습니다. 반드시 개선해주세요. 대소문자 오류, 수 일치 오류 개선해주세요.
내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~