▶ Your Answer :
There
are some disagreements over whether a school is suggested to invest on
purchasing new equipment or recruiting better teachers. Some people believe
that a school should concentrate on improving the environment. My view,
however, is that recruiting better teachers is more important to a school. This
is because there is advanced quality of education. Moreover, a school can takes a responsibility for teaching other important factors to their students.
To
begin with, by investing on recruiting better teachers, a school is putting a
significant contribution to enhancing the quality of education. Even though a
school can make the better environment by replacing with new equipment existing with new one, it will
be difficult to provide students with the improved education without better
teachers. This is because it is possible for seasoned teachers to give students appropriate apropos knowledge related with the level of students’ education better. For example,
the a high school located in Washington in U.S has went to the extra mile to recruit
experienced teachers instead of changing old facilities. The employed teachers
focused on dividing classes along the level of students’ education and
providing appropriate knowledge to students. The effort of school made it
possible for the grade of students to be enriched dramatically.
In
addition, better teachers are feasible to teach other critical knowledge such
as ethics and social behavior. A school should take the role of being responsible
for teaching ethics and manners as well as except on a wide range of knowledge, which that acts as
a great help for children to grow better. to go to a university. This is due to the fact that students
should adapt to the atmosphere of society when they become are an adult. If students
learn from teachers who concentrate only on only their grade or are apathetic to
their students, students will suffer from the difficulty making to make a new friend
or following follow the social rules. According to the study conducted by a team at Korea
University, more than two-thirds two-three of the surveyed students mentioned that
teachers played a significant role in their on adapting to the society. This was because good teachers could observed students’ behavior closely and pointed out their mistake directly,
which made them recognize what is right behavior. As a result, the surveyed
students revealed that a school has had to employ experienced teachers who pay paid
attention to students well.
To
summarize, skillful teachers can improve the quality of education, and moreover
they can better help students to adapt to the society. Considering the above two
reasons, it is evident that a school should spend a lot of money on recruiting to recruit
better teachers.
Comment :
본론2에서 아이들이 사회에 적응할 수 있도록 더 잘 가르쳐준다는 내용 역시 '더 나은 교육'의 범주에 포함됩니다. 두 본론이 명확하게 구분될 수 있도록 본론1의 main idea를 더 구체적으로 표현하는 편이 좋을 것 같아요. 좋은 교사가 지식을 더 효과적으로 전달하니까 학업성적을 올리는 데 직접적인 도움을 준다, 하는 식으로요. 기본적인 내용 방향을 잘 잡으셨으니까 main idea를 정리하는 부분하고 정확한 문장구사에 초점을 두고 연습하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 오탈자, 주술호응, 품사 사용에 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |