▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is better to save
money for some time in the future than enjoying the money when they people earn it.
However, I think that enjoying various ways to use money when people earn it is
better than just saving it. There are three reasons to substantiate this point
of view.
Firstly, focusing on saving money is
dangerous because it which can lead people to an obsession with accumulating
prosperity. In fact, there are many people who confuse the fundamental purpose of
money. They think that gathering prosperity can lead them to a better quality
of life. However, I believe that purpose of money is just one of a methods for
making their lives better. In other words, people should earn money for their
happy life, and should not live their life for earning money. >space
Secondly, enjoying money gives people
useful experience for their future. For example, when I was an undergraduate
student, I wanted to learn scuba diving but I didn’t have enough money to
afford the learning fee. , Thus I spent spend all of my money on it that I earned from my
part-time job. Some people thought that my behavior was silly. However,
learning scuba diving was an amazing experience to me because I had had a fear
of water. For this these experience, I could get rid of the my fear of water and learn how to deal with my fear to or challenges. In addition, I could get a job with a
high salary that associated with scuba diving. As a result, experience experiencing various
things using money could lead me a better opportunity that I can earn money. >space
Finally, using money right away when people earn it is
the best way to find their favor of using the money. This is because eEvery person people has their own pattern about using money. Some people are satisfied satisfy when they
use money for donation. Some of other Other people like using money for clothes. Finding
this pattern would help people to use their money efficiently.
In this regard, I believe that enjoying
money when people earn it is the best way to use it.
To sum up, I believe that importance of my
view cannot be underestimated by the reasons that I have mentioned above.
Comment : 저축하는 것보다 바로 사용하는 것이 좋은 이유들을 여러 가지로 잘 생각해주신 것 같아요. 표현을 다듬고 설명을 보완해서 논리를 명확하게 발전시켜보는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 문법오류와 오탈자가 많은 편이니 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |