▶
Some people would say that in order to be successful in their life, it is better to be more like others than to be different from others. However, I have a different idea. I believe that it is more likely to succeed in their life if people differ from others for two reasons.
First of all, people do not have to be identical to others because same things could make people bored easily. This means that most people have characteristic to try to do new thing. For example, in my country, South Korea, there are a number of chicken franchise about one hundred thousands. So, many companies compete each other. For one company in Seoul, firm's boss tried to make new food such as combination of chicken and Korea traditional food such as kimchi which made vegetable. Therefore, people who are wearied by usual chicken and have tendency to try new thing begin to visit this company. They are curious whether this new food is delicious or not. If this mixed food are so delicious, people would eat this food instead of original food. (Unclear example) Thanks to ingenious idea to combine chicken and traditional food, this company can survive in severe competition and receive love from people.
Second, in respect of business like electronic industry, if companies pursue identical products without special distinction, they would not earn more profit because different device that enable people to use new function would draw more attention from the public than usual machine. For instance, Apple's CEO Steven jobs tried to differ from other electronic devices.His philosophy was to make difference. He always emphasized his employees on thinking differently. Thanks to his innovative idea and philosophy, Apple recently monopolize smart phone field and make enormous fortunate. People are also attracted in purchasing the smart phone because they want to use this device that have new function. (State more about that function) Therefore, different thinking, device, and approach are a factor to success in the world.
To sum up, people or business have to differ from others because different things can offer success. Thus, I strongly disagree with the statement that being the same with for others is best way to succeed in life. 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 15-18 | - 두 번째 논지와 예시는 적절하게 드러나 있습니다. 조금 더 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
- 다만 첫 번째 논지 get bored라는 부분이 다소 weak한 주장이며, 예시는 chicken? Kimchi? 라는 부분이 어떻게 주제와 연관성이 있는 것인지 이해하기 어렵습니다.
|
|