▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may exist over the argument that it is
better for young people to select a job in the same field as their parents than
to choose a different career. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the
statement. The ideas below stated can be used as
a valid evidence to support my view.
To begin with, children are able to know about jobs in
advance. Parents have worked at least 10 years so they can let
them know about strength and weakness of their jobs. It will be
really helpful for children to choose their jobs. My personal experience can be
used to prove my point. After graduating high schools, I had trouble with
choosing a major. I pondered between 2 majors: chemistry and biology. I had
many interest in biology so I wanted to major in but the work^market of biology was less than chemistry. Then I
asked advices to my father who worked as a biological researcher. He said to me
that it was true the number of biological career is less than chemistry's
but there were many jobs related with bio. Therefore, there was no need to
worry about getting jobs when I major in biology. Therefore, young people can
get some help from their parents when they choose to work in the same field
with their parents.
Moreover, young people can get their parents' social backgrounds.
Today, people are living in a world of meritocracy where only extremely talented/smart people
can survive. If they want to succeed, they need some social backgrounds. If
their parents and their children work in the same field, young people can
contact with their parents' bosses or colleagues
and it will be asset to succeed. According to the research of Seoul National
University of Korea, the most of the respondents
respendents who are working in the same field of their parents' are
significantly helped by getting their parents' social network and they can be
succeed more fast than average people. If they did not select a job concerned with wtih their parents' they can be hindered
to arrive their goal.
For these reasons,
selecting a similar job like their parents' is crucial given that
the importance of social backgrounds and knowing about
the jobs in advance jobs.
Good (24–26)
서론 -철자 오류. ideas 첫번째 본문 -띄어쓰기 오류. work market -내용 괜찮습니다. 이유/예시 잘 쓰셨습니다.
두번째 본문 -철자 오류. extremely -extremely 가 꾸며줄 수 있는 형용사를 써주세요. 재능있는/똑똑한 으로 바꿔드리긴 했는데 본인이 의도했던 의미가 있었다면 그 단어를 써주셔야 본인이 전달하고자 하는 바를 더 명확하게 표현할 수 있습니다. -철자 오류. colleagues -철자 오류. respondents. -철자 오류. with -be succeed 둘 다 동사 입니다. succeed가 의미를 가진 동사이므로 be 지워주시고 succeed만 써주세요.
결론 -in advance jobs 는 어색한 표현입니다. 바꾼대로 써주세요.
철자 오류 많습니다. 내용은 두 본문 다 괜찮습니다. 표현/철자 오류 신경써주세요. 수고하셨습니다~~
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