▶ Your Answer :
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether teachers should not teach social or political views to students. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on individual perspectives. Thus, the jury may be out, but as far as I am concerned, I tend to disagree with the statement. In this essay, I will present two main reasons for my standpoint as follows.
To begin with, students can develop an ability to accept or express political criticism. For educational purposes, political issues serves as the best topic in school for discussions and debates. Therefore, these political views allow students to advocate their perspective and criticize another party. For illustration, my experience would be compelling example for what I mean. When I was 13, my teacher held a virtual president election in the classroom. As a potential candidate, we had to set a party and a personal appealing pledge. And then as soon as we started the discussion, it was the most active debate ever. This was because all of discussions we had held was without any criticism, but we could refute and criticize each other's view and pledge. Everybody was so engaged in the argument. 말씀하신대로 해당 내용은 교사의 의견 표출과는 관련이 없는 내용인 것 같아요. 교사가 생각해볼 점을 던져줘서 학생들이 비판적 사고력을 기를 수 있게 된다는 주장 자체는 활용이 가능하니까 방향을 더 다듬고 사례 내용도 적절한 것으로 수정해보시면 좋을 것 같아요.
On top of that, the teacher's social views allow students to study further beyond general studies. This is attributed to the reason that students do not have many opportunities to be exposed to social and political issues around the world. Therefore, any views about the issues can help them to learn outside school. For instance, my sister was taught by a school where she could learn a variety of topics on the newspapers from teachers. One day, I found her talking with my parents about the summit conference held in my country. I was totally not aware of the important thing because my teachers did not impart any kind of social and political information which could be debatable. However, my parents and sister took pleasure in dealing with the issue since my parents thought she was learning more than they expected, although I was not learning in my school. 이 부분도 교사의 의견피력과는 관련이 없어요.
In conclusion, I strongly argue for my standpoint on account of the two reasons aforementioned. Although the verdict may still be out, I believe that the two of my rationales are sufficiently convincing enough to represent the majority of people who are favor of my claim.
Comment : 코멘트하신 것처럼 내용이 교사의 관점을 드러내는 것과는 관련이 없는 방향으로 흘러가서 아쉬워요. 학생들의 비판적 사고력을 기를 수 있다는 장점이나 general subjects이외의 것들을 알 수 있게 해준다는 장점 자체는 충분히 reasonable하니까 설명과 사례 내용을 좀 더 논제에 맞게 다듬어서 재구성해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 문장이나 글의 구조는 잘 조직하고 계시니까 논제가 잘 반영될 수 있게끔 내용에 초점을 두고 연습하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5~3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - Displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors (사소한 어휘・문법적 오류를 보일 수는 있으나 대체로 적절한 어휘와 표현을 사용하고 다양한 형태의 문장, 유창한 언어 구사력을 보임)
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