▶ Your Answer :
A thought-provoking current issue concerns
what is the most important factor for delightful vacation. Some believe that
there are three factors which decide the quality of the vacation: food,
location, and friend. It is therefore timely to consider the priority of the
vacation factors. For the following two reasons, I believe that the food is the
first thing that should be considered to have an enjoyable vacation. First, the
food makes memories of vacation; secondly, the amusement of eating is basic
need of human. ^
To begin with, the food will make the
memories of vacation. Since people eat food at least three times in a day, the
issue of food constructs the travel memory. For instance, when my family
visited to Japan, we were happy owing to delicious and grateful food, such as
sushi and soba. However, when we visited Laos, we could not eat delicious food;,
ingredients of food were unfamiliar with us and we finally got food poisoning.
We spoiled the rest of vacation time in hospital with enduring pains. We do not
think this vacation as a pleasure moment. This example shows that the food
dominates nt the memory of the vacation. Therefore, food is important.
In addition, the food is the basic need of
human. In other words, the human is always looking for secure and delicious
food. According to the study of Korea university pshychology institution(KUPI), a
study shows that when a person eats sweet, the figure of happiness increases; if
the person eats weird food which is unfamiliar with the person such as insect, the
level of unpleasantness dramatically increases. This study shows that the food
changes people's feeling. As a result, the vacation will be happy or unhappy
depending on the food. This experiment shows that the food is important for
pleasant vacation.
As mentioned above, I believe that the food
is the most important element for an enjoyable vacation. This is because the
food can make the memorable vacation, and the eating is the basic instinct of
human. It will lead the good vacation.?
Good (24–26) 서론 -본문들의 길이만큼 깁니다. 좀 줄이셔도 괜찮습니다.
첫번째 본문 -중간에 however 문장에서, 쉼표로 문장 못 잇습니다. ; 로 바꿔주세요. -마지막에서 두번째 문장에서, that 절에서 the food 가 주어이고 dominates 가 동사형으로 나와야합니다. -내용 괜찮습니다
두번째 본문 -첫번째 문장에서, 특정한 음식을 가리키는 것이 아니니 the food 에서 the 빼주세요 -psychology 입니다. -중간 문장에서, which 절에서 동사 필요합니다. is -the level of unpleasant 는 오류입니다. unpleasant 는 형용사입니다. 명사형으로 바꿔주세요. -마지막 두번째 문장에서, 이미 조동사, 동사가 다 나왔으므로 동사보다는 동명사형태로 써주세요. depending
결론 -마지막 문장 이해하기 어렵습니다. 전체적으로 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 실수 보완해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
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