▶ Your Answer :
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether parents can help
their teenage kids prepare for the future life by encouraging them to have a
part-time job. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on
individual perspectives. Thus, the jury still be is out, but as far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with
the statement. In this essay, I will explore the two main reasons for my
standpoint as follows.
To begin with, exposure to the employment world allows them (them이 누군지 명시하세요) to be prepared for the real job
for the future. This experience offers an opportunity to get used to many
complicated tasks from the part time job, leading to success in the same tasks
in the future. For illustration, my experience can be a compelling example for
this. When I was 17, my parents recommended me to work in a small office. There
were many chances to deal with Powerpoint, Excel and a variety of computer software over the
course of my given tasks. 10 years later, when I work here as a as I am working as an office manager, the computer
skills absorbed from my childhood made me excel independently in the company
without anybody's help.
On top of that, parents can help teenagers learn a sense of
responsibility by letting them experience a part time job. When their kids grow
up, it is essential to develop a sense of responsibility to accomplish their
work. For example, in the same company I mentioned
above when I was young, one of the things really taught to
me was to contribute fully to my work and to try
my best. This made me realize that I was in charge of my work thoroughly.
Therefore, this sense helped me how to manage all the responsibility and
this made me feel accountable for my future job as well.
In conclusion, I strongly argue for my standpoint on account of the
two reasons aforementioned above. Although the verdict may still be out, I
believe that the two of my rationales are sufficiently convincing enough to
represent the majority of people who are favor of my claim.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
24 |
Overall
Comment: |
좋습니다. 매우 독특한 표현들을
사용하셔서 자신만의 색깔을 잘 살리셨어요. 다만 수의 일치 오류 및 사소한 문법 오류들이 있고, 예시들을 너무 자신의 경험을 토대로 작성을
하셔서 조금 아쉬웠습니다. |
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