▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that
people need to get a university education to have a better life because there
is more chance to get a qualified job under better circumstances. In my opinion onpinion, however, I do not think people are in need of a college degree just
for guaranteeing stable jobs since there are is a lot of people who succeed in
their career even if they didn’t get college degrees. Moreover, there must be
some certain occupation fields where college degrees are not practical.
First, people who
agree on the statement should try to turn their sights to the successful people
whose latest education is done before college degree. in high school. They show the possibility and
the fact that university does not guarantee every student for a better quality
job. 대학을 마치지 않고도 성공한 사람들의 사례는 '대학을 나오지 않아도 성공할 수 있다는 것'을 보여주는 것이지 대학을 나와도 성공하지 않을 수 있다는 점을 보여주는 것은 아니므로 표현을 다듬는 게 좋을 것 같아요. For example, Steve jobs, Apple CEO, did not finish his university course
and quit it just because there was something worthier for him to follow his
dream and he made a profound trace in our society and contributed to technological
development as a result. In this sense, we should doubt that universities
cannot be a proof or a safeguard for us to look for better and prominent jobs.
Secondly, there are
certain occupational categories that do not require people to get a college
degree. These fields are known such as technical positions, aesthetic work,
arts and etc. 대학 학위를 필요로 하지 않는 직업군도 있다는 주장은 주제에 대한 답변으로는 너무 모호한 것 같아요. 단순히 직업의 종류에 대한 이야기가 아니라 'qualified job'이라는 언급이 있었으므로 대학 학위가 더 나은 직장을 보장해주는 것이 아님을 설명해줄 수 있는 주장을 제시해주어야 합니다. For example, one of my friends, who is twenty-three years old,
started to work as a hair dresser even before she graduated from her high school.
She actually wanted to go to university but she said that in reality, handling
specific techniques for customers’ hairs and experience gained from her work
was more precious value to her career than her desire to explore the campus
life. She also mentioned that a lot of universities are is established and they are
abusively distributing college degrees to students, so it is not worth the college
tuition and her future. In this sense, I think people, especially who plan to
be engaged in those fields, should consider whether they really need it for their
career and self-development.
In conclusion, I think
there are many people doubting themselves for what they will be in the future
and they would not be likely to take any risks by the scape of going
universities.
Comment : 더 나은 직업을 위해 대학 학위를 딴다는 논제에 대한 반박으로 대학학위가 필수조건이 아님을 보여주는 것은 좋은 전략으로 보입니다. 다만 대학학위가 왜 필수조건이 아니라고 보는지에 대한 설명을 할 때 단순히 '대학 학위 없어도 성공한 사람이 있다'라거나 '대학 학위가 없어도 할 수 있는 일이 있다'라고만 제시하는 것은 너무 포괄적으로 느껴질 수 있어요. 설명 과정에서 qualified job과 관련된 내용을 충분히 포함해서 논제를 잘 반영하고 있다는 것을 드러내주는 게 좋을 것 같습니다. 오탈자와 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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