▶ Your Answer : Managing how university spend money is important because it shapes students' campus life. With this understanding, I believe that investing funds to support social activities is more important than using money for food improvement. This is because it helps students to broaden perspectives and enjoy a better quality of life. Firstly, spending money on promoting social activities allows students to broaden perspectives. Understanding the daily routine of recent university students and importance of participating in social activities are crucial to substantiate this view. At university, students spend most of their time taking major lectures in their department building and they even have to work on assignments and group projects related to their majors after school. Such routine hinders students to interact with people from other students and make their perspectives narrow and prejudiced. However, participating in various social activities allows students to meet people from various majors and backgrounds. For example, organizing events introducing foreign cultures or supporting social clubs affiliated in universities has great benefits. These activities encourage students to communicate with people from various backgrounds and learn to respect people who have different perspectives, all the while absorbing new ideas. In this respect, investing money to support social activities has an effect of allowing students to broaden perspectives. Secondly, using funds to support social activities helps students to enjoy a better quality of life. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea recently published an article in 'The Korean Herald' claiming that engaging in social activities helps students to strengthen social competitiveness. According to the article, 62 percent of 200 Korean leading recruiters prefer senior students who have s joined in a variety of social activities. The recruiters added that those students are more creative because social activities provided opportunities to experience various things which students cannot learn by only exploring academic studies. In the long run, the creative mind-set enhances job performances. This is because they know how to utilize their novel ideas into their tasks. For example, a game programmer recently promoted a game which has been very successful in the market. He attributed the success of the game to the experience of the volunteer activities organized by the university. During the working period, he planted a lot of trees for the community near his university. This helped him to create the game that no one ever thought to try. Such performance not only lead to job promotions but also encourage students to enjoy a better quality of life. To sum up, I believe that spending money to support social activities is more important than using money for the food improvement for the following reasons; to broaden perspectives and to enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated due to the reason I have mentioned above.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -participating을 받는 동사로 allow 가 쓰인 것이므로 allow-->allows 로 바꿔주세요.
두번째 본문 -senior students 복수 이므로 has-->have -the creative mind-set 을 받으므로, enhance--> enhances (단수)
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 수 일치 더 연습해주세요.
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