Nowadays, there are some arguments agonizing about reasons for going college and university. Some people might think that the students go to college or university to gain by gaining new experience or increase increasing the level of their knowledge. However, I personally think it that is so exaggerated. exaggrasted. I think that the reason for of going to high level's education institution is for getting a chance to get a go higher job. in bBriefly, for their career. And there are social phenomena phenomenon and enterprises' tendency.
To begin with, the students of college or university are regarded as a person with intellect, because they're studying more than other people who have only done regular course such as middle or high school. And it could be affect to their future. To be specific, if they get do high level's study, they will be able to be a person who has have a higher status in social hierarchical system. And I also became was an university students for this reason. This I mentioned sounds like that making the values of reason to take upper education lower, however It is never wrong. 문장이 의미하는 바를 잘 모르겠어요. 주술호응에 맞춰서 전하고자 하는 뜻에 맞게 표현을 다듬어주세요. Because people living in this generation are required to have deep knowledge, making themselves distinct from people. , unlike others. A person who has diverse knowledge is regarded as 'a person with smart', while people who lack of knowledge is are simply ignored.
In addition, people who have a job called as 3-D like simple labor are also neglected by laughing as Dirty, Disease and Dangerous. It is real circumstance in our society in Korea. These things are also because of enterprises. The job opportunity for comfortable and good position is confined to high education. 대학에 가는 직접적인 이유가 '직업'때문이라고 설명한다면 왜 대학에 가는 것이 직업적인 기회를 좋게 만들어주는지를 설명해야 합니다. 사회적으로 낮은 지위의 직업들이 무시당하는 현상은 말그대로 현상에 대한 설명일뿐 '취업준비를 목적으로 대학에 간다는 것' 자체를 직접 설명해주지 못합니다. In fact, For example, there is a survey conducted by a company that helps job seekers, called as Jobkorea, with 1000 managers at human resource department in many companies Human Resource Manager as respondents. The purpose of this survey was to determine that whether the extent of education could affect to their job opportunity. The majority of respondents replied that they actually prefer to bring applicants who graduated from was university school. An overwhelming 90% answered that they have experience of choosing people who had have a diploma of university, when some applicants, whom managers wanted to employ bring, have had the same scores in evaluation. After the survey, the researchers concluded that the diploma of college or university could affect people to be chosen in recruiting.
To sum up, all things considering the social phenomena phenomenon and the tendency in terms of recruiting job seekers in enterprises, I strongly believe that the reason of that the why students go to college or university is for their job career.
Comment : 직업적인 이유로 대학을 간다는 입장을 일관되게 유지하고 있다는 점은 좋지만, 그에 대한 설명을 좀 더 정돈해서 제시해주시면 좋을 것 같다는 아쉬움이 남습니다. 사회적으로 대학졸업자를 선호하는 현상이나 대학을 졸업했을 때 더 좋은 직업을 얻을 수 있다는 내용은 결국 같은 내용이기 때문에 두 본론의 구분이 무의미합니다. 대학을 졸업하는 것이 어떤 면에서 더 좋은 직업을 갖게 해주는지, 이것이 왜 중요한지를 좀 더 정리해서 제시해주면 좋을 것 같아요. 문법 오류가 많은 편이니 정확한 표현에도 더 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
(문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류)
|