▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, there
is a long standing issue on whether outdoor activities are as important as
classes at universities. While it is undeniable that both options have their own
merits (to boast), I agree with the given statement for several compelling
reasons as follows; responsibility, human-network,
and stress.
First and
foremost, sports allow students to
improve a sense of responsibility. This is due to the fact that doing sports
such as running, students could learn to abide by rules, manage their schedules
wisely, and cooperate with others.
Through the consequences that arise from negligent actions, they could
understand the importance of the obligations.
For example, my youngest brother used to be lazy and selfish. However, he has
changed little by little after he started playing soccer. He
learned the importance of cooperation as well as
responsibility. Therefore, it could help students to improve themselves.
What is more
important is that social activities have a direct
correlation to their human network. It is obvious that outdoor activities can
create a comfortable atmosphere in which they can bond. Through light-hearted
conversations people can
easily connect. For instance,
I (was) joined the group activities to help the poor and I could
talk to many people who came from different places. It was a good experience to broaden my perspective
which could not happen in the classroom.
Last but not
least, sports enable students to deal
with stress. This is attributed to the fact that doing physical activities distracts students from
worries and stress. This simple and quick escape from the reality may actually
serve as a safety valve to let off some steam as well as a fun way to recharge
energy. According to the Korean Research Center in 2017,
there was a huge difference
between two groups of students in academic performance. The group (in) A played sports (who doing some
sports) and they had better grades than group B
which did not play sports at all. (usually have
better grades than the group in B who don't sports at all.) (These are
important factor to have financial support. 무슨 의미인지 잘 모르겠네요.)
Consequently, it
is obvious that sports and social activities are as significant as classes and
libraries because it can improve responsibility,
relationship, and academic performances. Therefore, nothing (is) in my mind
casts doubts on my position on the given
question.
Writing Score (0-30): 20 - 21
Score (0-5): 3.00 – 3.25
Grammar & Feedback: 문법 실수, 단어 철자 실수가 (대소문자 구별 포함) 많았습니다. 제시하신 예시도 설득력이 조금 부족 합니다. 수고하셨어요.