▶ Your Answer : In school, students interact interect with many people, including their teachers and friends. Teachers give them not only acamemic knowledge, but also crucial life lessons. Teachers often help students find their academic interests, too. However, I believe students are influenced influneced more by their friends than by their teachers, for several reasons.
First of all, students spend more time with their friends. While they can meet their teachers mostly during classes for about an hour, they stay with their friends during the whole day. Actually, when students live in a dormitory dormatory together(which is the case of myself), they meet almost 24 hours, even sleeping together. Increase in the time they spend together means more interaction interection. Friends talk, eat, play, and even meet outside the school.
In addition, friends are similar in age. Teachers and students usually have huge gaps of age differences, but friends are almost the same age. And because of this, students feel more sympathy towards their friends. Their interest, concerns, and thoughts are very alike, so they can easily enjoy their chatting. For example, most students in Korea are very fond of idol singers, and they talk about them with their friends and feel happiness. But students do not don't usally chat with their teachers about idol groups. which is the field that they are deeply interested in. Talking for long hours yields significant effects, and even can change the student's future. By having conversations, students may acknowledge what they like or dislike, and what they are good or bad at.
In conclusion, friends give more impacts to students than teachers, due to the fact that the time they stay together is much longer, and their age are similar. I am also one of the students who got massive influences by my surrounding friends. When thinking about it, I also gave massive influences to my closest friends. I hope I have affected my friends in a good way.
Fair (17) 서론 -철자 오류 interact, influenced
첫번째 본문 -철자 오류 -연두색 부분, 토플 에세이에서 괄호 사용 지양해주세요. -시간을 많이 보내서 어떤 영향이 있고, 그것이 왜 선생님보다 친구들이 더큰지 부연설명 필요합니다.
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not -파란색 부분, significant effects--어떻게 큰 영향을 끼치는지 설명 필요합니다. -마지막 문장 파란색 부분, 이 부분에 대한 설명 필요합니다. 왜 친구들과 말할때 자기 자신에 대해 더 알 수 있는지, 선생님과 있을 때와 어떻게 다른지 설명 필요합니다.
결론 -연두색 부분, 기울게 쓰는 글씨 지양해주세요. -마지막 문장 불필요합니다. 본인의 개인적 감정, 바람 등등 지극히 개인적인 의견에 대한 이야기는 토플에서 지양해주세요.
이유는 괜찮습니다. 위에 피드백대로 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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