▶ Your Answer :
There are some disagreements over whether
or not financial difficulties between friends can vitiate the relationship with
friends. Some people believe that financial loan has nothing to do with the
undermined friendship because they have intense interaction enough. My view,
however, financial loan can cause the friendship to be damaged. This is because
money is important in the living. Moreover, there is the doubt between friends.
To
begin with, money is essential to maintain the living. Regardless of the amount
of money, the finance is putting a significant contribution to improving the
quality of life or making people comfortable without worry. Moreover, the money
is the overcome that a person goes to the extra mile to earn and make money.
For example, when I was in high school, I had a part time job. I took extensive
measure to make some money that was necessary to sustain remain my life and buy some
products such as pencils and notes to study. When my friend, Susan who was the
most familiar with me, needed some money for cyber money, and I gave her my valuable
money. However, she did not pay back the money for a long time, and even she
ignored me when I said that you had to pay back. Therefore, I was disappointed
to her and the relationship with her was compromised.
In
addition, financial loans result in the question between friends. Even though
people spend a lot of time with a friend and believe that they know about a
friend enough, they are difficult to examine the extent to identify the
intricate characteristic of a friend. This is due to the fact that people take
a tendency not to reveal all of things in their mind, which means that they
sometimes mislead a friend. According to the study conducted by a team at Korea
Univesity, more than two-third of the
surveyed students mentioned that they have been doubting their friend when their
friends borrowed some money. The reason was that they could not know their friends' thoughts and plans what their
friend though and had the plan, which was enough to make the discredit between
them and their friends and vitiate their relationship. Thus, the research
concluded that the doubt leaded to blighting the friendship.
To
conclude, the money is important to maintain life and buy a product that people
want and moreover, dismantled friendship is largely responsible for the
question between friends. Considering the above two reasons, it is evident that
the friendship is able to be exacerbated by financial aid between friends.
Good (24)
첫번째 본문 -파란색 부분 이해하기 어렵습니다. -remain; 남은, 남아있다 의 뜻으로 이 문맥에 쓰기에 어색합니다. sustain:지탱하다, 이어가다// 이런 뜻의 단어를 써주세요. -철자 오류 familiar -, 로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. 등위접속사 사용해주세요. 이 경우에는 and가 어울립니다.
두번째 본문 -좀더 단순하고 이해하기 쉽게 표현해주세요. their friends' thoughts and plans
내용 둘다 괜찮습니다. 적절한 어휘사용, 표현 사용 등을 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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