Many opinions may exist on what
types of club activities a school should financially support. All of the
options seem to have noble purposes and positive results for the local
community. However, a club that helps children with their learning is the best
choice for university to spend money.
First and foremost, providing
tutoring for children helps to build their future. Teaching reading and
mathematics gives children not only academic knowledge,
but also psychological mentoring. An exemplary mentor can be a role model for
children and motivate them to be diligent and self-disciplined. For example,
Tokyo University found a huge difference between two groups of primary school
students. One group got lessons on reading and mathematics from university
students three times a week and the other was self-taught.
(those subjects.) The former group had a much higher score on the academic
subjects than the latter. Moreover, the former showed more desirable personal
traits such as a longer attention span, a better ability to delay
gratification, and stronger passion in their tasks. On the other hand, the
latter tended to get easily distracted, procrastinate, and indulge themselves in games rather than academic assignments. This
result proves that the mentoring from a more experienced and inspiring teacher
is the key to success for children, both academically and personally.
Second, club activities such as
building houses or helping the elderly with daily tasks will negatively affect
students' performance in school. A club that requires too much physical activity exhausts all the energy of students. Those
activities tend to prevent students from focusing on their own studying. For
example, my brother once joined a school club called "Building a love
house", which aims to construct a house for poor people in the neighborhood. He had to engage in intense
physical work at construction sites, such as
lifting heavy stuff and arranging furniture all around the house. After he came
home, he just fell asleep right away and forgot about his assignments. (in
school.) At the end of the semester, he ended up getting bad scores on most
subjects (in final tests), and thus, resigned from the club. As a result, he
could fully engage in his school works and improved his grades again. This
shows that a school club accompanying too much physical work will negatively
impact one's performance in school.
Opponents on my arguments may
assert that building houses or helping the old in the community has a high
utility compared to teaching children. However, giving valuable lessons for
children will bring a positive effect for both children and university school
students. All things being considered, the significance of my argument cannot
be overemphasized.
Writing Score (0-30): 27 - 29
Score (0-5): 4.25 – 4.75
Grammar & Feedback: 사소한 실수 빼고는 문법적
오류도 거의 없었고 내용도 좋았습니다. 수고하셨어요.