▶ Your Answer : Some people think that people who drive their cars during rush hour in a cramped city do not have to pay a charge. However, in my opinion, it is better to charge charging them a fee for two reasons. First of all, a traffic jam in a busy city can improve. In addition, the city can develop traffic facilities by collecting fees. To begin with, a traffic problem can be dealt with when the people who use their own cars pay a charge. The number of people using cars would decrease decreases by charging a fee, because they do not want to spend money on it. As a result, the traffic jam will be resolved gradually and citizens who live in the city will commute more easily than they did in the past. For example, according to a survey conducted by UCLA’s research department, about 80 percent of participants who had driven cars reported that they preferred using public transportations to using their own cars after implementing the policy becoming to charge a fee during rush hour. They also mentioned that the congestion got better with the policy. Thus, it is evident that the traffic problem can be solved by paying a charge. On top on that, traffic facilities can improve by collecting fees. The reason for the traffic jam comes from the lack of facilities. Many people decide to use their own cars because there are not many public transportations and they are packed with passengers during rush hour. If the city charges a fee to people who drive cars and uses it for on developing facilities, people will use public transportations instead of their own cars. For instance, last year, my city made a policy which charged a fee on people using cars. With the policy, the city collected fees and used them on making more buses and trains. Consequently, people were able to take buses and subways readily and kept using cars during commuting times. As a result, it turned out that the policy was really beneficial for citizens and the city because it helped improve traffic facilities. To sum up, the congestion and traffic facilities can improve. In this regard, I believe that charging a fee to people who use their own cars during commuting time is helpful.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 내용을 잘 풀어서 설명해주셨어요. 조동사 뒤에 동사원형 사용하는 것, [during/while/for]구분에서 종종 문법오류가 보이니 신경써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법오류와 오탈자 검토할 수 있도록 시간여유 확보하면서 연습해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |