▶ Your Answer :
Without
doubt, values play a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the
places where they work or play. There are many important values to share with a
young child between five to ten : being helpful to others, being honest, and being
well organized. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that being well
organized is the most important personal traits for young children. There are
several reasons as follows.
When
children learn how to be being well organized, it is likely to improve their
school performance. Being well organized requires students to manage their time
when they will play and when they will study, to do their homework on time, and
to clean their rooms after playing. When such traits are cultivated in an early
age, it could bring a better result in their school work. For example, my
brother was lazy and haphazard. He usually got distracted easily,
procrastinated, and acted on impulse. However, Hhe has changed little by little
after my parents taught him how to make plans. He felt joy when he kept his plan
well. , and He recognized that his laziness and haphazardness could negatively negative affect
on his life and mix up his plan. On the other hand, his punctuality and
well-organized plan could make a better result on his school performance. Naturally,
he started maintain a good behavior by raising his grades in school. He showed characteristics
of a longer attention span, playing his part better, and keeping his plan well.
Without his learning about an organized life, he would fall behind.
All
things considered, I strongly believe that being well organized is more
important value for children than being honest and being helpful to others for the reasons I
have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of being well organized cannot overestimated in the pursuit of happiness in life.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 내용 잘 구성해주셨어요. 사례 부분에서 적절하게 주제와 연결되는 부분들로 내용을 다듬어서 응용하신 부분도 좋았습니다. 품사활용에서 문법오류 종종 있는 부분들 유의해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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