▶ Your Answer :
From the past, people have lived in the society, pursuing
individual’s goals in the life. In this regard, there is
no answer what is the successful life. Some people go abroad to acquire other
culture that could help them get an
international job. Other people have jobs that just keep the place’s traditions. In this regard, all the people have different
points to see the world. Perhaps it has a possibility that it is easy to
identify what kinds of jobs will be successful in the future, but I think it
would be hard to identify. There are three reasons for this.
The first reason is that there are a
lot of people in the world. To be specific, they live their lives, having
individual’s desire. All of them have distinct priorities
on living life. From thate point of view,
there is no doubt that value of jobs regardless of generations would be
regarded differently according to people’s think.
The second reason is that new
technologies will be invented. What I am saying is that it would affect the
jobs. Studies shows that according to the major technologies at the time, job’s values have been changed. It means that we cannot can’t ensure what jobs will lead us to become successful what
the job will success.
The final reason is that there are lots
of variations in the society. No one knows what events will happen tomorrow. A
big disaster could make people suffer from the pain or New evolutionary
thing could be made by a company. Since too much the variations are in the
society, we cannot be can’t
sure what the job will be successful.
For these
reasons, I believe it is hard to identify what kinds of jobs will be
successful. As time goes by, all the people’s desires
would be diverse, which lead many helpful stuffs to be invented. Because we do not don’t know what
will happen in the future, we always anticipate tomorrow and make effort to live
daily life valuably.
Fair (17-19) 서론 -i 모음이므로 a-->an -just 불필요합니다.
첫번째 본문 -the-->that 이 더 자연스럽습니다. -축약형 지양해주세요. can't-->cannot -마지막 부분 바꾼대로 적어주세요.
두번째 본문 -첫번째 본문의 연장선상같은 내용입니다. 내용이 겹치는 부분이 많습니다. 중복으로 두개 나눠서 써주시는 것보다 하나로 합쳐서 한 본문으로 써주시는 것이 더 좋습니다.
세번째 본문 -이 본문 또한, 1,2 본문과 크게 다른 내용이 없습니다. 같은 이유/설명에 다른 예시를 본문을 나눠서 쓴 느낌입니다. 서로 다른 이유가 나오지 않으면 내용이 풍성해지지 않습니다. 따라서 설득력이 떨어집니다. 결론 -축약형 지양. don't-->do not
세 본문을 쓰실 때는 세가지 아주 다른 이유들을 제시하셔야 합니다. 또한, 두 본문을 쓸 때와 같은 수준의 질로 세가지 이유를 쓴다고 생각하셔야 고득점을 하실 수 있습니다. 본문은 세개인데 이유는 하나같은 느낌이면 글의 설득력이 올라가지 않고, 오히려 감점의 요소가 됩니다. 두가지 본문으로 이유/설명/예시가 완벽하게 숙달되신 후에 세가지 본문을 쓰는 연습을 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |