Development of transportations
brings us a lot of benefits so that we cannot imagine the world without
transportations. Some people might say that cars are is more influential in on our
lives, while others do not. If I have to choose only one, I would say that the
airplane has more impact on our lives. There are some reasons and examples as
follows.
To start with, the
airplane made it possible for people to travel another countries and experience
totally different culture. Before advent of the airplane, it seemed considerably
difficult to go another countries which were so far away from the country where
we lived. However, people are able to go anywhere
nowadays by taking the airplane within 2 days. For example, according to a
poll conducted by the Ministry of Social science in Seoul Nnational Uuniversity,
the increasing rate of the people who have been abroad
changed dramatically since the airplane was invented. In addition, what is
interesting is that the rate has increased gradually. This is mainly due
to the development of the airplane. People are more likely to go abroad
with ease lower compared to the past.
On top of that, people
can have more and more opportunities to try using various
products all over the world thanks to the airplane. Moreover, they are able to buy products
with a higher quality. To explain, people can purchase some
products made in the United states or Germany on the internet and
receive them quickly by the airplane. That means, the airplane made
the world as one broad market. For instance, I will take my experience to
elucidate my point. Two years ago, I went to one of the biggest department
stores in my country to buy by a pair of running shoes that was launched
by an English a english company. The shoes was so
popular that they were it nearly sold out at that time. As a result,
I could not buy the shoes and was very disappointed at of it. However, my friend, Ssuzy told me some tips on how to buy them it and it was by searching the item on the
internet. I implemented her tip right away. Eventually, I could find
the shoes in one of english the online shopping malls in England. I purchased the shoes and
got them it quickly through a mail plane. mailplane. I realized at that time that the
airplane brings us a huge convenience.
To sum up, the airplane
helps people go abroad and experience diverse culture. Moreover, it made it
possible to buy merchandises from another countries freely and quickly. In this
regard, I strongly believe that the airplane has much more positive influence
on our lives than cars.
Comment :
단순히 비행기가 우리 삶에 미치는 영향이 아니라 '자동차보다 더 큰 영향을 미쳤다'라는 입장을 뒷받침할만한 주장이 되어야 합니다. 여행가기가 쉬워지고 해외물품을 구입하기가 쉬워졌다는 점이 '중대한' 영향임을 보여줄 수 있는 연결고리가 더 필요해요. 비행기의 영향으로 생긴 큰 '변화'에 초점을 두고 내용을 발전시켜보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5
An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details
(일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
(문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남)
- May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning
(문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary
(답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)