▶ Your Answer :
The lecturer and the reading presents quite different opinions takes on the same topic: the school uniform. The lecturer
thinks that it has negative effects on students, while the reading argues
otherwise.
To begin with, the lecturer says that
even if the school decides for students to wear uniforms, the crime rate criminal among
students wouldn't be decreased. lecture가 어떤 이유에서 이런 주장을 했는지 반박 근거를 함께 정리해주세요. On the other hand, the reading says that
students can be safer as individuals don't want to make a conflict with students
who wear same uniforms.
Moreover, the lecturer attacks the
reading’s claim that school uniform can enhance the team spirit and unity, saying
that students can wear what they want. For example, if we go to supermarket,
there are so many people who wear different kinds of clothes. It is weird for
people in the supermarket to wear the same uniforms. lecturer가 제시한 내용은 reading에 '반박하기 위한' 것이므로 주장과 근거의 형태로 내용이 정리되어야 합니다. 어떤 부분에서 lecture가 reading에게 반박하는지, 어떤 근거로 그렇게 이야기하는지가 드러나도록 표현을 다듬어주세요.
Finally, the lecturer also attacks the
reading's idea that school uniform can enrich students' student’s self-esteem as students
don't need to follow trends and don't wear expensive clothes. The lecturer attacks
the reading's idea by suggesting that only a few schools that are located in
rich districts require uniforms. And the lecturer also suggests suggested that almost half of the schools in poor regions require school uniform. It means school
uniform can lower the school's image. 대립되는 내용이 어떤 point로 대립하는 것인지가 불분명해요. 예를 들어 학생들의 자존감이라거나 학교의 대외이미지 등 명확하게 어떤 point를 중심으로 대립하는지가 드러나도록 정리해주세요.
To sum up, the lecturer says that school
uniform don’t have positive aspects. Because it can’t decrease criminal among
students, it limits the freedom for students to weat what they want, and it can
be negative on the school’s image. 통합형은 요약문을 제시하는 것이므로 본론 내용을 요약하는 역할을 하는 결론문단이 불필요합니다.
Comment : 흐름상 불필요한 요소가 들어가 있거나 어떤 point가 두 지문의 대립점인지 명확하지 않은 부분들이 아쉬웠어요. 기본적으로 [reading이 어떤 주장을 하는지 / 그 주장의 어떤 포인트에 lecture가 반박하는지 + lecturer가 자신의 주장을 뒷받침하기 위해 어떤 이유를 들고 있는지]가 잘 요약되어야 한다는 점에 유의하면서 다듬어주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Integrated Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 A response at this level contains some important information from the lecture and conveys some relevant connection to the reading, but it is marked by one or more of the following : - Although the overall response is definitely oriented to the task, it conveys only vague, global, unclear, or somewhat imprecise connection of the points made in the lecture to points made in the reading. - The response may omit one major key point made in the lecture. - Some key points made in the lecture or the reading, or connections between the two, may be incomplete, inaccurate, or imprecise. - Errors of usage and/or grammar may be more frequent or may result in noticeably vague expressions or obscured meanings in conveying ideas and connections. |