■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the rea soding
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▶ Topic : some people think that parents should set strict rules for their children if they want them to succeed in life. Others think that strict rules are not necessary for children to obtain succes. which do you think is better? (제가 라이팅 실력이 많이 부족한 초보입니다. logic 뿐 아니라 문법이 부족하다면 이 부분도 많이 조언 디테일하게 해주신다면 정말 감사하겠습니다. 고맙습니다) |
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly,
roles of parents plays significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the
places where they work and play. Some people think that as parents, they
should keep strict rules for their children, while others do not. Both sides
may have their own reasons for their views. If I had choose one, I would say that one
of the parent’s roles is that they should teach manners perfectly to their children
for successful life. There are several reasons and examples, as follows. To
begin with, setting strict rules by their parents, it will help people
cultivate important qualities needed for success. It requires them to be diligent,
passionate, and self-disciplined. When these qualities are fostered, it is likely
to bring a better result in life. For example, when my youngest brother did
poorly, he was selfish and lazy. Actually, he doesn’t abide by time and ignored the
manners. However, he has changed little by little after setting strict rules by
his parents. He realized that keeping rules helped him gained good reputation
by others, while his laziness could negatively affect everyone in life. By
doing this, he can learn not only how to compete with a number of people but
also how to help and encourage others. He maintained a good behavior by raising
in his grades in school. He showed characteristics of a longer attention span and a stronger
passion in his tasks. He was able to excel all throughout high school and received
straight A’s in his classes. As society is getting more complex, human
relationships are getting more complicated. Therefore, the roles of care by
parents has changed. It was to teach knowledge, but as modern society is
becoming rapidly specialized and competitive, parents should give their
children many chances settings rules in diverse surroundings these days. Without
these experience, he would have fallen behind.
In summary, I agree with the opinion that keeping
the rules helped children to success by their parents. This is because they
should gain good reputation in order to abide the time and manners in life
respectively.
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1. 시제가 뒤죽박죽입니다.
특히 example에서 과거와 현재가 뒤섞여 사용되었는데
하나를 딱 정해서 그 시제만 follow해주시기 바랍니다.
2. 문단 구분이 안 되어있습니다.
엔터키로 문단을 구분해주세요.
3. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*