To begin with, music can
make people (me) physically and
psychologically comfortable. Classical music helps
people to be calmer. (I usually prefer to listen to the classical music
because this type of music can feel moderate,) For
instance, I listen to classical music when I cannot control my own emotions, especially
when I am in a fight. (experienced I fought with my friends and I
couldn’t control my mood. I quit fighting and listening to music to take it
easy.) I often use this method to avoid the worst
situation. (in the future.)
In addition, (the) classical
music has another benefit. (attraction.) (The)
Popular songs these days (in the modern society usually publish noise and) have inappropriate words. (in some kinds of songs.)
However, classical music does not have any lyrics
so it is good to listen to it without thinking. (when I was unhappy so
the way that listening to the classical music can leave me alone in the empty
room and recall my happy stuff that how I reach this level in the last process.)
To sum up, (the) music can inspire people and that is why people listen to
music. (bring the inspiration to many people, so most people in the
modern time are looking for their kind of music.) I prefer (the) classical
music because it has lots of benefits. (so I
gained a lot of benefits.) For these reasons, I
think that listening to music is important to many people. (Moreover, it
makes the present of me to grow more and more wonderful. As a result, the main
point that many people are essential to their some part of their life.)
Writing Score (0-30):
14-15
Score(0-5): 2.00-2.25)
Grammar & Feedback: 글의 설득력이 많이 부족하고 본인의 개인적인 경험이나 감정 보다는 객관적인 근거와 예시가 필요합니다. 문법, 어휘, 문장 구성 공부가 많이 필요해 보입니다. 수고하셨습니다.