▶ Your Answer :
It is controversial that staying healthy is
less difficult in these days than it used to be. Some people might disagree on this statement because of the amount of the stress people get these days. However, I agree that staying healthy in
these days is easier than it used to be for the following reasons; better
medicines and easier to learn about one's health.
First, we live with the medicine that is the
best in our human history. Different types of medicines were developed to cure diseases that
killed our ancient kinds. We can be cured even if we caught disease that was previously lethal in our human history. Thanks to advanced technology on bio engineering, our average life expectancy
is the highest in the human history. For example, in South Korea, it was hard to
live until 60 years old. There was even a celebration on one's 61th birthday because staying healthy until the age of 61 was very rare, and it was something that had be celebrated. However, in these
days, many people live until 80 or 90 years old. Due to the increased life span, fewer people celebrate 61st birthday because many people can stay healthy, and it is nothing special to witness.
Second, people can easily learn about
health. Thanks to media such as television, smart phone and the Internet, we can
easily access to health information. We can search and find out how to exercise or what kind of food is healthy. For instance, I got help on health training by searching information relating to the topic on the Internet. People shared their exercise skills, and I was able to learn a lot from them. I was also able to easily contact expertise or doctor in the media to ask questions about my body condition. We can see expertise’s research
and have a dialogue with doctor through internet. Easier accessibility can fix our
misunderstandings of health, and improving one's health condition can be helped faster than before.
In brief, I totally agree with the idea
that being healthy is easier than it used to be because of the development
of medicine and more opportunity to know about health. Therefore~ (마지막 주제에 대한 본인 입장 제시 + 향후 방향 제시하며 마무리)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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