▶ Your Answer : Some people think that admitting one's mistakes is so strenuous that they used to ignore that mistakes. However in my opinion admitting the mistakes is required to be a successful leader. The basis for my position is that by receiving mistakes, you can develop yourself much more and not admitting the mistakes leads to lose the people around you.
To begin with, If if you admit your mistakes, you will be achieving more. To be a good leader you must do a lot of experience and in these is steps, you sometimes make mistakes. Experience is the most essential factors of life for a success. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge., Their views will be so narrow, By trying diverse experience, people can broaden their horizon of the world. In this regard, If if you are frightened to make the mistakes and so do not try to experience new things, you will not achieve be achieved a lot. For example, when I was a high school student, I was so passive and frightened to make a mistake. So I did not try new experience like making new friends. But my parents said me to try anything, and after a lot of endeavoring I could make many friends and have more flourishing experience become more flourish in my life.
On top of that, not admitting the mistakes leads to lose people around you. hHaving people has a significant meaning in this world. To be specific, Tthe meaning of success has completely changed compared to a past. If it was merely focused on your one way and excelling others, now it is different. Along with your one ability, it is crucial to have people who can lend you a hand. An example of me is given. I was a student president in my university and I had to deal with so many problems in that days. I was so confused with this stressful situations and eventually made a mistake. Initially, I did not think that significantly and also did not revise that error. However the students in my university started to be disappointed with my attitude and eventually I was retired from the place.
To sum up, admitting mistakes will make you more achieving and if you do not admit, you will be lose people around you. In this regard taking the mistakes is the most essentcial factor in life.
Fair (17-23)
첫번째 본문 -대소문자 오류 if -수 일치. 복수이므로 this-->these -대소문자 오류 if -수동태 be 동사 필요합니다. -to make 라는 동사 넣어주어야 더 매끄러운 표현이 됩니다. -문맥상 수동태 어색합니다. 그냥 will not achieve로 써주세요. -명사 앞에 관사 -마지막 문장 어색합니다. 바꾼대로 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -대소문자 오류 H -대소문자 오류 The-->the -수동태는 be p.p 이므로 be disappointed로 써주세요.
결론 -you do 를 넣어주셔야 더 매끄러운 표현이 됩니다. -be와 lose가 둘다 메인 동사로써의 역할이 겹칩니다. 문맥상 lose를 선택해주세요. -철자 오류 essential
내용은 괜찮으나 문법/표현 실수 많습니다. 연습이 필요합니다. 수고하셨습니다~~
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