▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that getting enough sleep or having a positive
attitude is the best way to become healthier. However, I think exercising
regularly is the most important element to be healthy. This is because
exercising can strengthen the ability of one’s body
body's ability which is a requisite of a well-being
life, and exercise can also improve the mental health.
To begin with, Exercising regularly can make one’s
body's function better, which means that
you can be vigorous with exercising. And the physical strength is the
most important thing to do whatever in daily life, such as studying, or
working. For example, when I was a middle school student, there was a girl in
my class who were was too skinny and week
weak. When I was in second
grade, she became famous for walking on around the
school grounds at every lunch time. After
one semester, astonishingly, she gained weights
and were was not weak anymore. Not only
that, after she got better healthier (better이란 단어는 애매하니
healthier을 사용하세요), her grades also ascended and she went to
one of the most famous high schools eventually. She said that she was too sick
and weak to study steadily, so she decided to work out regularly, even it is
was just through walking.
And after she attempted started to exercise regularly,
she could get the physical strength enough needed
to study longer.
On top of that, Exercise also improves your psychological aspects. For
instance, there was a study conducted by Student's Psychology
Laboratory to determine whether exercising influents influences people's mental health. There were two
groups monitored. Both group were formed by people who were suffering from
depression. The first group was asked to work out four times a week at the morning
for six months, and the other group was asked to do as usual. The
researchers compared the outcomes and recorded that the members of the group who were that
was asked to work out regularly got better psychologically
than the other. The An overwhelming
88% of the group responded that they do not feel depression anymore and want to
exercise regularly even after the research was completed. This study shows that working out
regularly can make people's mental health better. (두 번째 그룹의 결과도 적어주셔야 비교가 가능해요)
To sum up, working
out regularly improves one’s physical ability to
concentrate on everyday life, and make cure mental
depression better. In this regard, I firmly believe that exercising
regularly is the best way to become healthier.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
21 |
Overall
Comment: |
철자 오류들 및 문법 오류들이
있습니다. 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. 본문 두 번째 문단 예시에서 두 번째 그룹의 결과도 적어주셔야 비교가 가능합니다. |
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