▶ Your Answer :
When planning the budget, the government
should decide on whether to spend more on infrastructures such as roads and
highways or more on public transportation. Some insist that
public transportation has to be considered first to promote it to
citizens. However, in my opinion, fundamental things like roads must be
considered more crucial and reasons supporting this are stated at the following paragraphs.
To begin with,
focusing on infrastructures will benefit more people. Pedestrians, for
instance, would take advantage benefit from on
well monitored crosswalks and highways. In
addition, people who own their cars usually drive home or to their
workplace; and would be benefited from ordered
well-constructed roads. If the government puts too
much effort on public transportation methods like
subways, a huge number of people who walk to
school or drive to school or their workplace would
feel neglected from the benefit of budget plans. (feel neglected는 설득력이 부족합니다. 차라리 will not be able to gain from the benefits of budget plans; 즉, 공평하지 않다, 라고 적는 게 좋아요.)
Secondly, even for
improving if the government aims to improve public
transportation, good roads and highways should be improved in advance. Buses
especially need well monitored highways because it utilizes they utilize roads for driving. Thus, even if the government puts
lots of effort on public transportation methods itself,
if the roads and highways are not developed enough, it would be useless and
just be a waste of money. (주장을 하셨는데, 충분한 근거 및 예시가 부족합니다.)
Lastly, not
only general citizens but also shipping industries will be benefited benefit by improvement of roads and highways. Shipping
industries use trucks or vans for transporting goods, thus utilizing roads, and not public transportation systems. For example, recently, a new
highway was built near my hometown and the time it took for parcel delivery has
shortened from 3 days to 2 days on average,
for example. (For example은 이 문장 같은 경우
처음에 넣는 게 더 자연스러워요) Therefore, improvement of roads and highways will lead to
better parcel servicing, benefiting more people in the long run.
While investing on public transportation might
appear good right now, legislators should look further. Improving road
infrastructures will benefit more people,
including pedestrians and drivers. Furthermore, they should be improved in
advance even though the government wants could desire to have a better public transportation system.
To conclude, spending money on roads and highways are is more important than investing on public
transportation.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
23 |
Overall
Comment: |
포인트는 잘 잡으셨지만 충분한
근거와 예시가 부족합니다. 자세한 코멘트 및 문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
|
|