▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may exist over the argument that the
development of robots and computers result in reducing people’s job
opportunities. As far as I am concerned, I am in complete agreement with the
argument. The two ideas stated below can be valid evidence to support my view.
First of all, electronic equipment do not need time
for taking a rest. So, it is more efficient than human labors. People can (can보다 need to, 아니면 must가 더 어울리지 않을까요?) find emotional relief by taking a rest between a
working hour working hours. Today, many
people get weary with too much stress. By having a rest time, however, people
can temporarily forget their problem and tight work schedules. On the other
hand, robots and computers do not require the regular rest time. (위 문장들은 계속 같은 말만 반복합니다.) It is enough to have a short maintaining and repairing
time for machines. Therefore, human labors will be lost in a competition with
robots in a job market. According to a post by a renowned sociologist
Simon Choi on his Linkedin, the most critical disadvantage of the humans being compared to a future machines is a need for refreshing minds and recovering body
conditions. He also mentioned that a rest time is necessary for people, but it
becomes the weakest point of human labors. This post can support that my
opinion is compelling.
On top of that, it’s
impossible that people acquire an outcompeting advantage in a job market.
People nowadays face fierce competition since there are too many job candidates
with not so many jobs available. It has become extremely difficult to find
suitable and rewarding jobs. In order to become a desirable job applicant,
people have to surpass robots and computers with all aspects. Unfortunately,
human beings have has limitations on
physical and mental aspects compared to
electronic devices. An anonymous poll conducted by a
Facebook survey page shows that more that 70 percent of the respondents
answered they were afraid that of a wide implementation of computers in a workplace.
Some people commented that it is obvious that the capability of computers is
have already exceeded humans’ skills and abilities. Therefore, this survey
supports my opinion.
To sum up, I believe that my explanations above
sufficiently prove the disadvantage of robots and computers related to job
opportunities. Obviously, the problem of a work efficiency problem and
limitations of people’s work skills cannot be overemphasized enough. Hence,
making a minimal restriction to use robots and computers in a the workplace is a better decision for people.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
17 |
Overall
Comment: |
예시가 좋고 템플릿을 잘
활용하셨지만 문법 오류가 매우 많습니다. 그리고 같은 말만 반복하시는 습관이 있으신 것 같아요. 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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