▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that people put less importance on their appearances and fashion these days. They may think that people consider them those things as less important factors than other factors. (What factors?) However, I do not agree with the opinion above. This is because people spend excessive too much money on their appearances and fashion and invest their time in on making them look better them.
First of all, nowadays, people spend too much money on their looks exteriors and fashion. (Because of what?) Having enough cosmetics, clothes, and shoes, today’s people tend to use their money to purchase new products and improve their appearances in order to follow the latest trends. For instance, one of my college friends buys new clothing every year even though she already has a lot of clothes in her closet. She does not seem to need purchase more products on fashion, but she does not want to wear clothes that are out of style. Therefore, she sometimes cannot spend her money when she really needs it because of a lack of money. Second, people invest a lot of time in searching information about the appearances and fashion trends these days. Although they are busy, people now are usually willing to spend much time on getting information about improving their appearances with development of the Internet. I can take an example of my high school friend. He was greatly actively interested in fashion. He spent most of his time on finding and reading the information about fashion than studying. Also, he always looked busy because he went around the markets and designers’ runways that he found on the Internet. Thus, he often could not finish his assignments and get high grades at school. To sum up, I believe people put too much significance on their appearances and fashion these days because they expend their money on new products which is are not necessary and use excessive time to get information about them.
| 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 2 | Score | Limited 15-17 | - 내용이 매끄럽게 이어지지 않습니다. - 첫 번째 단락은 논지가 정확히 드러나 있지 않습니다. - 두 번째 바디는 이유로 제시한 Internet의 발달과 fashion의 관심이 연결되어 있지 않네요.
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