▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that
spending time with other people is the best way to relax and reduce stress.
However, I personally disagree with the idea above idea for the two subsequent reasons.
First, spending time with others can be stressful. Second, spending time with
others when stressed may harm relationships.
First of all, it can be more stressful to
spend time with others. To be specific, when spending time with others, people
need to hide their feelings and need to pretend to be happy.(항상 그런가요? most of the time이런 phrase를 사용하는 것 도 좋습니다.) According to a recent
study done by CHR, 80 percent of the respondents said that when they are
stressed, they spend time alone. They said that having a quiet time alone can
people relieve their stress much more effectively. People nowadays are living a busy
and hectic life, so they are under great stress, but a lot of them even realize
they are stressed out. Stress is known to be a major factor that keeps us from
being healthy, and many people are suffering from various problems. If they had
spent time with others, they would have got gotten a serious problem. more stressed as compared to if they spent time alone.
Second, relationships will be harmful harmed by
spending time with others when they people are stressed. Stress makes people very
sensitive and agitated, which and this makes it is not a good time to be with others. Stress makes
people act and talk unpleasantly and might cause a conflicts. I will provide an
example of my friend, Kevin, who whom I have known since elementary school. He used
to spend time with his friend when he was stressed out. That time he always
argued with his friend because he had was stressed. But one day, he decides decided to
spend time alone. This decision changed his friendship for the better because he met
his friend after he relieved his stress by spending time alone. So, he didn’t argue
with his friend anymore.
In conclusion, spending time with others
can be not only be stressful but also harmful for relationships. For these reasons,
I personally believe that spending time alone is the best way to relax and
reduce stress.
[Score]
23-24
[Feedback]
- 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요
- 현재형과 과거형 중에
한 개를 선택해 시제를 맞춰주세요 - Topic sentence처럼 generalize할때는 주로 복수를 씁니다. Ex. It may harm relationships. (O) It may harm a relationship. (x) - 예시는 적절했고 학생의 주장을 잘 support해주었습니다.
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