▶ Your Answer :
There are some
disagreements over whether or not children should not play sports for competitions
or contest but for their enjoyment. Some people believe that children are suggested
to play sports to win a game through competition. My view, however, is that
playing sports for competitions or contest has deleterious effect for children since competitions can generate intense stress to children. Moreover, there is an adversarial
relationship with their friends. (adversarial relationship이 생겨 아이들이 마음의 상처를 입는다 등 좀 더 구체적인 부정적 측면을 적어주세요)
To
begin with, playing sports by competing or contesting with others encourages
children to be stressed out. Competition has a tendency to increase or strengthen
the degree of stress. Children spend a lot of time studying their academic
subjects, which is enough to feel stressed. If students also feel stressed by
playing sports for winning a game, the critical degree of stress causes children
to have less interest about playing sports as well as decrease their focus on it. For
example, when I was in high school, I had to participate in soccer contest in terms of
soccer. The contest made me to become sensitive and concentrate more on winning the contest only.
Moreover, my family and friends expected me to win a cup and score a lot during the game. With the degree of pressure gradually increasing, I came to naught both winning
a cup and improving my grade, even my grade was declined seriously. (예시의 결론이 크게 이유와 상관이 없습니다. 스트레스를 구체적으로 얼마나/어떻게받았는지에 대해 내용을 부각하는 등 관련된 내용을 서술하는 것이 좋습니다.)
In
addition, competition and contest are responsible for having deleterious
relationship with their friends. This is due to the fact that competition galvanizes
the sense of tension, which makes it difficult for children to grasp the result
of game whether they win or lose. As a result, their adverse relationship would
not be recovered because they are pure and naive. According to the study
conducted by a team at Korea University, the research revealed that children feels more difficult to recover their relationship with friends in comparison to adults after they play a game
in contest or competitions. The researchers could observe a great number of
conflicts between children after contest rather than playing a game for just
their pleasure and enjoyment. Consequently, the purpose of playing sports
affects children to great extent. (구체적으로 스포츠를 경쟁적으로 하며 어떤 과정/ 계기/요소들을 통해 마음에 상처를 받는지/관계가 손상되는지를 적어주세요) + 결론을 작성해주세요. Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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