▶ Your Answer :Some people may say that airplanes ariplanes have a more influence impluence on society than cars. However, I have a different idea. I believe that cars affect more on society more than planes tha palnes for the following reasons. readsons. >space
Frist First of all, vehicles behicles make a more enormous influence enoumous impluence on society than planes because by using cars, people can move short distance distant or long distance distant, as spending less money than on planes. Moving to other regions distant makes it possible to create new business such as travel traval industry. Before cars are is introduced to society, it was is very limited for laypeople to visit other cities. city. However, after the invention of vehicle behicle, new industries industry are brought bought about. As a result, many tour attractions city can make receive huge profit from travelers travalers, and economy can be promoted enormously. enoumosuly. 문단 요지를 분명히 해주세요. 경제적인 부분에 미친 영향이 더 크다고 본다면 경제적인 영향이 더 크다는 내용을 처음부터 제시하고 설명과 사례를 제시해야 합니다. >space Second, cars have a more impact on people's lives than airplanes since people who have their own luxury car could show off their position. In other orther words, these days some people use an expensive car to show off their status. Generally, because laypeople cannot buy a personal airplane, it is realistic to purchase a car. For example, in my country, South Korea, many young people really want to buy a luxury car such as BMW, Audi, and Benz. Oudy, benz. They would earn money in order to purchase a car. They think that owing an expensive car can show their position. postion. Also, they believe belive that the best way to indicate their status is to have expensive cars. Even though this is a very ridiculous phenomenon rediculous phenomanon, current trend has have changed continually. > space To sum up, airplanes make less impact on society than cars because many people can go on a trip due to car and show off their status through it. Therefore, I strongly agree with the statement above.
Comment : 글에 오탈자가 너무 많습니다. proof-reading에 좀 더 신경써주세요. 산업발전과 과시적소비에 끼친 영향을 통해 사회에 미친 영향이 자동차가 더 크다고 풀어내는 전략은 좋지만, 설명을 더 논리적으로 명확하게 보여줄 수 있도록 구성을 다듬어주시면 더 좋을 것 같아요. 정확한 표현과 단계적인 내용 구성에 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |