▶ Your Answer :
A human is socialistic animal. Every body learns this phrase as sociology basic. Socializing is important to people. Some prefer small group of social event as they have family-like atmosphere. However, It is better to attend social event with larger group. For following reasons. : mMore informations and more chances. Firstly, mMore people means more informations. When large number of people gather, group can have large background diversity. Which means, if some one wants to ask about different area from his, he can easily find the target. For example, I am in the online group with three hundred people so there are people from many fields from Computer Science to Biology. I once had assignment I could not understandt as it it about physics. So I asked for information from my group and could get one from Physician. Therefore, with participating in larger group, it is easier to get information. Second, mMore people means more chances. Human likes to talk so when large people gather word spreads very fast. By joining to the large social events, it is easier to get chances. L like advertising goods or getting a job offered. For example, studies of ADODA suggests peopple in belief earn 10% more than average due to the large regeional communities. This implies that large social community really gives chance making money. Therefore, to get more chances one should be involved in huge communities. In conclusion, to get chances and informations people shoud be in large group.
Fair (17-21)
서론 -every body-->everybody -: 전에는 마침표로 끊지 않습니다. 또한 : 다음에는 예외적인 케이스가 아닌 이상 소문자를 씁니다.
첫번째 본문 -대소문자 유의해주세요. -large people 은 큰 사람들 입니다. large number of people 이라고 해야 많은 수의 사람들 입니다. -철자 오류 유의해주세요. -information 뒤에 s 붙이지 않습니다.
두번째 본문 -대소문자 유의해주세요. -철자 오류 유의해주세요. -like +나열은 완전한 문장이 아닙니다. 문장 안에 있도록 해주세요. -people in belief 가 무슨 뜻인지 모호합니다.
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