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Some people think that all high school students do not have to learn basic economics. (주제 문장 그대로 사용 지양해주시고 paraphrase해 주세요) However, in my opinion, when all the high school students learn the basic economics, there will be a lot of advantages. There are two reasons: First, nowadays learning economic theories will help you get wide range of knowledge. Second, learning basic economics will help your understand many social problems.
To begin with, it is pivotal to learn economics since it contribute to having a wide scope of knowledge. To be specific, it is required for people to have wide variety of knowledge rather than deep knowledge of one specific field. A person with sufficient knowledge is regarded as 'a person of intellect' in this world, while others who lack knowledge are simply ignored. When I was in college, I knew a lot in the area of my major, psychology. However, I did not know many things in other region since I did not have many interests in them. However, my sister knew many other things including social problems, philosophy, economic, and so on. When we were senior, we had job interviews respectively, and she always got good results by appealing that she has a lot of knowledge in the interview. However, I always got failed at the end since I did not know what to answer to their questions. Even though I had known many in my area, it did not help. So, by learning basic economics, it will help you to get further knowledge which will contribute more to success. (knowledge를 얻을 수 있다는 내용은 too general하며 주제와 살짝 벗어난 내용입니다. 'basic economics'를 배우며 얻을 수 있는 구체적인 이점에 대해 고민 후 부연 설명 및 예시를 작성해주세요) On the top of that, economics is a basic area in our society and its impact affects all over around the world greatly. In the society that we are living in, respective area of the world has a mutual relationship with each other. Therefore, if you do not know well in one area, than the other area could not be fully understood. There was a survey conducted by the Board of Education in Korea with many professors as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the view about learning other areas rather than one's major. The majority of the professors replied that also studying other areas is pivotal to survive in this world of endless competitions. The reason was mainly concerned with the mutual relations in many region of knowledge. Thus, this survey proves that learning basic economic can be also important to comprehend the whole mechanisms in our world. --> 이 예시/이유 또한 general하며 주제에 맞게 specific 하게 tailored되었다고 보기 어려운 내용입니다. To sum up, knowing the basic economic principle will help you get broad knowledge and it can help one's ability to think fluently over different area in many area of knowledge. In this regard, I firmly hold that all high school students should learn basic economics.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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GRAMMAR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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