▶ Your Answer :
In 21th century, we have seen a magnificent
development in technology. We cannot imagine flying like a bird or contacting
each other using complicated devices, even having robot imitating human. These
things have made our life more comfortable but complicated simultaneously. Thus,
some people say it brings our life more complex and even in troubles. However, I believe
technology made our lives better. That is because we can contact each other
easily and we do not have to operate dangerous things anymore.
To begin with, we can contact each other easily
through with the help of development of technology. Long time ago, we could only keep in touch with
others by in person. That means we had a limitation on the distance we could
contact. It made world grow in their own region and couldn’t trade, reducing
the chance to develop. However, nowadays we have airplane or car, kinds of vehicle that
help us to move fast and connect others easily. There are less limitation
people can go, seemed like global village. I can buy stuffs made in Canada in
near my home. Furthermore, I can visit the opposite side of earth in one day.
On top of that, we do not need to participate
in dangerous fields. Scientists developed robot that operating like human so
that we can replace robot for our place. On At the same time, we can enjoy more
convenient life. For example, automated devices provide the 24 hour store or monitoring
system. They are used to carry on the monotonous tasks that don’t demand human’s
skill. Besides, we would like to use human resources to more demanding fields.
Considering following reasons, although others
insist that technology made our lives more complicated, I insist that
technology has more benefit to our life and the real key to make better life. We
cannot resist to live with technology but try to use it wisely.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-19 | - formal essay에서는, we, you등의 personal noun 사용을 자제하고 3인칭 명사로 쓸 수 있도록 해주세요. - 고급 어휘와 문법사용 연습을 많이 해주세요.
- 두 번째 단락은 dangerous field라는 thesis에 더욱 포커스를 맞춰주세요.
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