▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, transportation system plays a
significant role in people’s daily lives in many places where they work or
play. Some people believe that airplanes have a greater influence on society than
cars, while others do not. Both sides may have reasons to support their views. On
the other hand, if I had to choose one, I would say that cars the influence of
cars is more than airplanes. There are several reasons as follows. ^
To begin with, the development of cars
contributes to increase the standard of living more than airplanes. The advent
of cars has provided more job positions, more fields of businesses, and higher
average incomes. This trend has been likely to prevent people from poverty,
leading to promote overall economic growth. For example, the spread of cars in
1970 improved the standard of living. The most contributing factor was that the
car company provided more job opportunities for people, and people received
higher incomes than before. In other words, people with little or no incomes
emerged as middle class, and they actively participated in the local economic
activities. It caused the nation economic growth. This implies that the
employment that was triggered by the advent of cars has brought prosperity to
people. ^
In contrast to that, cars have made negative
impact on the environment. The increase in number of cars made a huge amount of
carbon-dioxide (CO2) called ‘Greenhouse Gas’. It has been likely to bring the
contamination of environment and a lot of pollutions. While airplanes also
produce CO2, the cars have more effect on the environment due to the fact that
the number of cars is more than airplanes. To be specific, Seoul National
University found a huge difference in the degree of pollution between 1970s and
2000s. The number of cars has been sharply increasing during that period. It caused
the emission of harmful gas ten times more than 1970s, resulting in more acidic
rain and more respiratory problems among people. This indicates that the use of
cars has negatively affected the society. ^
All things considered, cars have promoted
the increase in nation economic growth and have made a negative consequence on
environment. All in all, I firmly believe that cars have had more influence on
society than airplanes have.
Good (24–30) 두번째 본문 -두번째 문장에서, the increased number of ~ 혹은 글에 바꾼대로 고쳐주세요. -중간에서, difference 뒤에 전치사 필요합니다.
결론 -철자 오류 유의해주세요.
내용/이유/설명 괜찮습니다. 자잘한 문법 실수 유의해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
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