▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that students should
be promoted to focus on studying major subjects such as science, technology,
engineering, and math instead of studying the subjects that they are
interested in. However, I believe that students must be encouraged to study the
enjoyable and active subjects rather than the major subjects for two essential
reasons. This is because it enables them to relieve stress and enjoy a better
quality of life.
First of all, the enjoyable and active class
such as art or physical education class allows students to relieve stress. Nowadays, most of students are
forced to study various subjects at a very young age due to the demand of their parents and
teachers. This negatively impacts their physical as well as mental conditions. Thus,
they lack chances to relieve stress if they are not encouraged to studying the
subjects that they are interested in. As an example, according to the result of
Seoul National University’s survey, the top school of Republic of Korea, students have to endure countless textbooks and continue to
read more even at home once they start their school life. Such exhausting routine repeats itself and eventually
wears them down. As a way to manage their ensuing stress, they can enjoy sports
such as football and baseball with their friends during their classes. Even if
it is only for a short time, this frees their mind from the intense mental
pressure from studying major subjects. Therefore, the government or the
educational authority promotes students to do physical activities to relieve
stress. (GOOD)
On top of that, if these young students have more
chances to study the subjects that they are interested in, students can enjoy a
better quality of life. earn valuable lessons even though the classes are not always academically related. Surprisingly, many senior executives at global leading
corporations were invited by my university, Tokyo University, as a guest of special lecture a few days ago. In the lecture, they stated that the key to
their success was the experience of studying the subjects that they are
interested in during school years, and most of them preferred dancing and
singing. This was because it enabled them to learn how to cooperate with other
people. They added that it is regarded more highly now than in the past since
today’s huge problems and tasks cannot be resolved by one individual’s talent
and ability; rather they must be processed with the advice and help of others.
I highly agreed with their statements because their speech resonated with my thoughts.
To sum up, I strongly believe that
students should be encouraged to study the subjects that they are interested in
rather than studying major subjects obligatorily because it allows students to
relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life. (같은 문장이 반복되어 사용되었습니다. paraphrase해 주세요)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 2 번째 문단 better quality of life는 다소 broad 하므로 구체적인 이유를 작성해주세요.
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