▶ Your Answer :
In our current
society, watching movies plays a crucial role in many people’s lives in many places
where they work or play. Some people believe that watching movies that are is
entertaining or funny is better than movies that deal with serious issues,
while others do not. Both sides may have their reasons to support their views.
On the other hand, if I had to choose one, I would say that movies that cope
with severe issues have more advantages than movies that contain comedy or
entertainment comic or entertaining factors. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, the
students who watch the movies which handle with serious topics can improve
their academic performance. Movies related to the social issues can contribute
to improving improve attentions toward major problem in specific sectors in society such as economy,
sociology, and history. When the students have an attention to these issues,
they are likely to enhance their attention about these problems and study
specific sectors harder than before. For example, when my younger sister was in
a high school, her sociology grade was not very that good. However, after watching
the movie related to the social issue, she gave more attention on the social
issues and got intrigued by in the sociology class. Her grade has changed little by
little, and she got a top position in the sociology class. This implies that
watching movies that deal with important issues could have a positive positively impact on her
academic performance. Without watching those these movies, she might not have accomplished accomplish
the improvement increase of in her grades. 영화를 보면 관심이 생기고 열심히 해서 성적이 오른다는 연결이 좀 부자연스러운 것 같아요. 성적을 올리기 위해서 사회적 이슈를 다루는 영화를 보는 게 아니기 때문에, 중요한 주제를 다루는 영화를 보는 게 어떤 면에서 긍정적인 영향을 주는지, 왜 entertaining movies보다 그것을 선택하는 게 더 좋은지를 직접적으로 보여주는 주장을 제시해주면 더 좋을 것 같아요. 예를 들면 세상이 돌아가는 것을 정확히 알아서 well-rounded person이 될 수 있다, 하는 식으로 직접적인 이점을 강조해볼 수 있어요.
In addition,
watching movies that cope with major issue on the society can contribute to solving solve problems such as global warming, world terrorists, and racial discrimination
against race. When people are interested in these kinds of movies, they have an
effort to make solutions on these issues. This trend will bring a better result
in many parts of the world. For instance, Stanford University found a huge
difference between two groups of young adults. One group was composed of those
who spent spend their time watching movies related to the social issues, and the
other group consisted of those who spent their time watching comedy movies.
Compared to the latter group, the researcher found that the first group
actively participated in the social movement for improving standard of living. On
the other hand, the second group didn’t tend to attend those activities and didn’t have attention on the social issues. This indicates that watching movies that
is correlated with major problems is better than watching entertainment movie
on many grounds. 보통 사회 참여도가 높고 사회에 관심이 많은 사람들이 사회적 이슈를 다룬 영화를 더 많이 본다고 연결하기가 쉽기 때문에 사례의 설득력이 약할 수 있어요. 사회적 이슈를 다룬 영화들이 실질적으로 사회적 변화에 영향을 미친다는 점을 드러내주는 사례로 재구성해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 또한 질문의 요지는 '어떤 것이 더 좋은가'를 묻고 있으므로 개인이 영화를 선택할 때 어떤 영화를 보는 것이 더 도움이 되는지에 좀 더 초점을 두고 풀어주는 편이 좋을 것 같다는 생각이 들어요. 심각한 이슈를 다룬 영화를 보면 사회가 나아져서 좋다, 라는 주장은 비약적으로 느껴질 수 있어요.
As I mentioned
above, I firmly believe that it is better to watch movies on serious problems
than to watch funny movies for improving one’s performance, paying more
attention to social problems, and so on. All in all, this trend should be
continued and passed down to the next generations.
Comment : 사회이슈를 다룬 영화를 보면 얻을 수 있는 이점을 위주로 주장을 차근차근 피력해주신 점이 좋았어요. 다만 좀 더 설득력이 높은 주장과 사례로 내용을 발전시킨다면 논리면에서 더 높은 점수의 글이 될 수 있을 것 같아요. 반복되는 내용과 표현이 많은 편이니 문장들을 정돈해서 단계적인 논리 구성이 눈에 띌 수 있도록 다듬어주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |