▶ Your Answer :
Does Is a person's an appearance important? Yes, it is. I personally dress and groom myself since I know how much it matters in light of expressing one's identity and first expression shown to other people. 에세이에서 청유형 표현이나 의문문은 사용하지 않는 편이 좋다고 하니 참고해주세요. 서론은 기본적으로 글에서 전개할 내용을 소개해주어야 하기 때문에 주제와 나의 입장, 어떤 근거를 제시할 것인지를 간단히 보여주는 것이 좋습니다.
First of all, the way a person dresses up reveals the personality of the person, which greatly affects the behavior of the individual. Moreover, he or she might redefine him or herself accordingly. In other words, a person's characteristics can become stronger as the one expresses these traits openly. Clothes strengthen the behaviors of a person by giving more confidence, somehow making a person acts much more reliable and responsible to his or her position. For instance, I had served for in the army for three years. When I was wearing an army uniform, I tried to be aware of my behavior and tend to act seriously in every moment. Unlike the condition when I wearing a civilian uniform, I had watched my language to make sure of my conducts . This successive feeling strengthened my behavior as an army officer which stick had stuck on me even for a long period of time.
Second, the way a person dresses influences others' behavior, and this finally affects the behavior of the person. People's show various behaviors usually happened in mutual relationship. To be specific, Eevery conduct must have a reason. According to the research issued by Association of Social Science (ASS), people tend to be more generous to the people who is wearing traditional style of formal attires. In On the contrary, people are more likely to feel some distance, and even be aggressive to the people who dress relaxed and casual. The more peculiar the clothes are, the more severe this result indicates. The following part of the research had proven that other people's attitude toward a person determines the how the people treat other person based on how he or she dresses, ranging from favorable attitude to indifferent one. This indicates the fact that clothes determines others' attitude and this impacts the behavior of the person who is wearing clothes.
For these reason, I firmly believe that the clothes of the person affect people's behavior, since it identifies one's own the image on to themselves, and determines others' other's attitude which influences the people's reaction as well.
Comment :
스스로가 느끼기에 / 남들의 태도가 달라서 입는 옷이 개인의 행동에 영향을 미친다는 주장을 잘 생각해주신 것 같아요. 전하고자 하는 내용이 좀 더 명확하게 전달될 수 있도록 표현과 어법을 더 정확하게 다듬어보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문단에서 내용을 전개할 때는 반복적인 설명은 피하고, 단계적으로 설명이 전개될 수 있도록 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |