I believe that the most problems that affect society will probably be solved during our life time for the following reasons below. (서론의 길이가 다소 짧습니다. Hook 등을 넣어 채점자의 이목을 끌 수 있게 해 주세요)
First, due to the development of technology, our society is changing more rapidly than before. The advancement of technology has solved various problems that we thought we would never be able to solve in the past. For example, when I was young, there were concerns related to the shortage of future energy that is needed for living. However, nowadays, scientists have developed alternative ways to get access to energy from the environment by using solar energy or wind power. These, I believe that the had solved problems related to energy that would affect society in the nearest future can be solved within this century since people would invest more on renewable energy.
Second, humans have potentials to encounter the problems that they face in their life time. When we face a major problem in life, we strive hard to solve them so that it would not deteriorate our lives; this is how society is maintained until today. Different people study in their own field to develop different approaches to the problem to resolve the problem quickly and strategically(부사는 가급적 동사 뒤에 적어주세요). For example, when there was an earthquake in Japan, scientists, volunteers, journalists, and the foreign governments from abroad worked together to help each other. They were then able to respond to the disastrous moment, although the earthquake still posed environmental concerns. I believe the example above explains the fact that problems can be solved together during our lifetime if we endeavor and are always interested in theses international problems. --> 해당 내용의 이유는 1st reason 이 지지하는 주제와 다소 동떨어져 있습니다. 방향을 전환하여 '사회가 글로벌화 되면서 세계인들이 국제 이슈를 해결하기 위해 힘을 합치기 더욱 용이해지면서 국제 문제들이 더욱 급속도로 해결되고 있다' 등 구체적인 이유를 제시해주세요.
+ 결론이 없습니다.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 서론 및 결론 부족 = LIMITED 기여
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