▶ Your Answer :
It is controversial over whether bBooks are the most crucial materials that effect our society or not. Some people body insist that the impact of books are more huge than other objects. However, in my opinion, I disagree with that idea. In order to substantiate my central focal points, I will provide specific reasons and explore the given topic in great detail in this essay. To begin with, television can make wider influence and also its it's far-reaching power is remarkable. To be specific, one of the most important roles of television is news delivery. By notifying new information, a lot of people pay attention to them. Additionally, dDramas have great impact on people too. Lots of people concentrated to soap opera and purchase related products such as sightseeing products and fan meetings. For instance, I will introduce one of Korean drama which called 'Son of Sun'. It started at 2016. Since the storyline and actors are very impressive, plenty of Kkoreans loved it. Furthermore, abroad reaction was also fascinating, so KBS which made that drama exported it to twenty nations. Come to think of it, it made satisfying success. Aftermath, a lot of Chinese watching it traveled to Korea, and experienced our culture. Through this story, I realized that television's contents have big influence on many people. In addition, television make related economy extend more. What I mean is that, there are a lot of careers related to television such as producers, actors, writers and advertise producers. This industry produces plenty of employees, and thus the its it's effect on overall economy is really enormous. On the other hand, people do not put much emphasis on books as the past because of development of artificial intelligence and invention of online books. Interestingly, many renowned socialists in South Korea published an article in “The Korea Herald” last Tuesday which claims that television media will grow is growing more and more in the future. The article argues that a lot of experts expect the development possibility of television. The experts show this tendency because television platform can be utilized variously and need lots of employees. Also it has a lot of contents and far-reaching effects. In contrast, they said that book industry's future maybe come into blue days because of assorted technology's growth. According to this report, we can reach a conclusion that TV is promising material. To sum up, television can give information to wider receivers and also it makes economy grow more. In this regard, television is a crucial tool that has ve huge impact on receivers.
Good (24–30)
서론 -대소문자 오류 -somebody 보다는 some people이 문맥상 적절합니다. 첫번째 본문 -it의 소유격은 it's가 아니라 its 입니다. it's-->it is -대소문자 오류
두번째 본문 -, thus로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. thus 앞에 and를 붙이시던지, ; thus, 로 해주세요. -it's-->its -중간에서, 문맥상 뒤에 in the future 도 있고, 미래이므로, is growing 보다는 will grow가 더 적합합니다.
결론 -단/복수 구분
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